I have a confession to make. I used to be absolutely terrible at ending relationships.
In college, I had a girlfriend, and I had wanted to break up with her for a long time. When she finally gathered the nerve to do it, she was actually there. It felt out of the blue to her. She cried and begged me to reconsider.
I felt physically ill. After that, I didn’t end a relationship for ages.
On the contrary, I would do things that made the other person want to leave me, so I wouldn’t have to feel those emotions.
So, if your partner is acting strangely and doing these X things, trust me when I tell you that it’s very possible they’re secretly seeking a way out of the relationship.
I hate to say it, but I’ve done almost all of them.
1. They explode with anger at themselves
Anger is the main symptom that a person is worried or stressed.
People respond with anger when they feel stuck or trapped in places they don’t want to be. This can include work, social situations, and of course, relationships.
Because when a person is frustrated and there is no way out of the situation, and there is no other way to express this frustration, they often release it as anger.
This does not mean that your partner will always be angry with you.
Maybe, but it’s just as likely that they’ll lash out at other people and things. When they know there is no valid reason to be angry with you, they may channel their anger in other directions.
2. They spend all their time with their friends
This is a big clue that your partner is secretly looking for a way out of the relationship for two reasons.
First, if they’re spending more time with their friends than usual, it also means they’re spending less time with you. They run away from you because they have something on their mind. They are trying to figure out how to deal with it.
Another reason why this is a clue is easy to identify. When people connect, who do they go to? That’s right, their friends.
They seek compassion and advice from people they care about. Well, as a rule, that would be just fine. But when they tell their friends about going out but don’t talk to you about it, it can really hurt.
3. They look at other people
Hey, I know you don’t die just because you’re in a relationship!
We are social animals and are always looking around to see what other people are doing. We can’t help but steal a second glance at the person we actually find attractive.
This is normal. But what if your spouse looks at other people more than usual? This is a big sign that they want out of the relationship.
In fact, they mix shopping and daydreaming, playing what-ifs and imagining what it would feel like to be with these people. And if they’re doing it right in front of you, they either really don’t care anymore or they’re terrible at keeping their secrets.
Well, now it’s a secret!
4. They flirt, but not with you
She flirts with other people more than just looking at them. And, of course, only you will know that this work is happening. If they do it in front of you. What does it mean?
In fact, it means that they do it on purpose. Trust me because I’ve done it. I was in a really bad relationship in college. But she was also quite unstable and constantly said that she did not know what she was doing without me.
I didn’t know what to do. I knew I was staying, but I couldn’t bring myself to drop the bomb on her. I just acted like a jerk.
There was no need to fake it. If I was attracted to someone, I would start flirting and going out with them, even if they were right there. It wasn’t long before she got sick and decided that we should get through it.
Now I know how disrespectful that is. But since I was not very emotionally mature at that time, I didn’t know how else to get out.
5. They stop working on your relationship
If someone wants to do that, it really means they have given up on the relationship. If you struggle and work on everything like everyone else, they will stop trying.
They have done work. This will be the sign that shows you this. If you’ve been to couples therapy, they’ll stop going.
If you’ve tried to add romance with a weekly date night, they’ll stop joining.
Believe me, this strategy works if they’re trying to sneak out because it will look like they’ve given up (which they have). And that will usually make you want to give up too.
If you make a plan to keep trying together, but your partner changes the plan, it tells you that their heart isn’t really in it.
6. They fly under the radar
You text, and they don’t answer. They don’t read at all. Well, you call them, but their phone goes off.
They were always in touch before. So why the sudden draft? You know the answer to that question now, don’t you?
If it was just communication, it would still be a concern because big changes in how much contact they have can really matter. Now, if they have a new job or a crisis of some sort, it might make sense. But if it happens repeatedly, it could be a sure sign.
And believe me, it will come hand in hand with some lame excuses like “I ran out” or “She accidentally shut up”.
No! (Be like that).
7. They stop having sex with you
See, the couple’s sex life is different from each other. Maybe you can take an average and measure your sex life against them.
The truth is that how and when you have sex is specific to your relationship. Maybe you’re stuck twice a day or twice a year—there’s no one-size-fits-all formula.
But what is not appropriate is when your partner suddenly stops having sex with you as usual or stops altogether.
Of course, there can be many reasons why this happens. Many of them can be embarrassing and difficult to talk about. This does not always mean that they are trying to get out of the relationship.
It’s just a sign, but when it comes to a few other things I’ve talked about, maybe they’re secretly looking for a way out.
8. They do secret and shadowy actions
“Destiny’s Child” made a big splash in 1999 when they released the track “Say My Name”.
“Say my name, say my name, You actin’ kinda shady
Ain’t callin’ me baby, Why the sudden change?”
This song is still relevant because it is to the point. Never mind Beyoncé’s incredible vocals. While this song is really aimed at cheaters, it can also apply to any hidden, shady behavior of a partner trying to get out of a relationship.
I’m talking about going out every night, being really late, finding it hard, or just not being open like normal. The big secret might not be a new one, but if they want to do it, it can still really hurt.
9. They pick fights
Is your partner suddenly totally grumpy pants? Or worse, do they fight over little things that never bothered them before?
Maybe they’re digging up old conflicts that you thought were dead and buried in the past What is the reason for this sudden change in their behavior?
Like most of these signs, this one in isolation is not enough to cause concern. They may simply be coping with stress or even doing their best to overcome sadness.
But at the same time, it could also be because they want to see the relationship through. Picking a fight is usually a good way to move things towards a breakup.
If your partner does these nine things, they may be secretly looking for a way out of the relationship. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if it’s happening and they’re not ready to discuss it, maybe it’s time to talk about it head-on.
At least then you’ll know for sure instead of being stuck in emotional limbo.