Whether you saw it coming or if your breakup was a total jerk, dealing with no contact is the hardest part of any split.
You are so used to keeping your ex around that having him suddenly torn from your life leaves a huge hole.
Maybe you’re keeping your distance because you know deep down that it’s for the best, and you want to move on after a breakup. Perhaps it was because you hoped a contact wouldn’t miss you. After all, they say absence makes the heart fond, right?!
You’ve managed to stay strong and avoid slipping into your DMs or texting him for several weeks. If you’ve made it this far without seeing or talking to your ex-boyfriend, here’s what comes next.
What are the no-contact rules after a breakup?
The no contact rule refers to cutting off any contact with your ex after a breakup. It is one of those essential survival tools to deal with Partition.
This means there are no phone calls, texts, emails, or interactions on social media. And you’re not allowed to see each other in person.
Neither should you reach out to your friends or family to talk about your breakup.
If letting him go feels like torture, it can provide comfort to know that it’s all for a good cause.
Why is no contact so powerful? No connection allows you to focus on healing and preparing you to start dating again instead of focusing on your ex.
It may sound harsh at first, but it’s the only way to ensure you don’t end up in a situation where you fall back into the old pattern. And if you do, then “taking your ex back” could mean you’ll be setting yourself up for another painful heartbreak.
So if you’ve made it this far, here are some necessary next steps and things to remember as you move forward.
1) You’ve already made it to week 3; keep going.
How long is the no-contact rule? No contact usually lasts for at least 30 days, but many experts say more than 60 days is better. And some people choose to go for six months to make sure they’ve moved on before letting their ex back into their lives.
This gives you time to grieve the relationship and begin healing emotionally. You have time to reflect and figure out how you want to handle future connections.
Is three weeks enough time for no contact? Maybe not. Because you are still in a delicate situation and probably not thinking clearly.
I won’t tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. This is your life and your heart.
But consider that giving in and reaching out to your ex-boyfriend right now may undo all the hard work you’ve put into the past few weeks.
If he broke up with you – which caused you pain – you need to think twice before letting him back into your life. And if you broke up with him, remember that it was for a reason.
Answering the “should I contact my ex” isn’t easy. If you think, “oh well, maybe I can text her an instant message, ” think again. Don’t give in too soon. The finishing line is closer than you think.
2) Know it’s bound to be difficult, but it gets easier
Sadly, it is a truism of life that whatever is good for us doesn’t feel good at the time. Think of having no contact with your ex-boyfriend like no exercise – no pain, no gain.
A breakup is essentially a grieving process, and it has many stages.
In the beginning, your brain is probably trying to understand why this happened and feeling disbelief and frustration.
You’re most at risk of relapse during this phase — reaching out to your ex.
But here’s the good news. The later stages are where it gets easier. After going through the most painful parts of grief comes acceptance and redirected hope.
As Psychology Today points out, redirected hope lets you see things differently.
“As acceptance deepens, moving forward requires redirecting your feelings of hope—from the belief that you can singlehandedly save a failing relationship to the possibility that you might be okay without your ex. It’s jarring when forced to redirect your hope from the known relationship entity into the abyss of the unknown.
“But this is an opportunity to redirect the life force of hope. Regardless, hope is somewhere in your reserves, and you will reaccess it as you continue to allow some significant distance between you and your ex.”
3) Get help from a relationship coach
While this article explores the essential things to do without contact, it may be helpful to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complex and challenging love situations, such as getting back with your ex. They are a prevalent resource for people facing this type of challenge.
How will I know?
Well, I reached out to him a few months back when I was going through a rough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, he gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of our relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, sympathetic, and helpful my coaches were.
In just minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and receive advice tailor-made for your situation.
4) Try to take it easy on yourself
Yes, it sucks, but you can do a few things while you recover from easing the process.
Practice a lot of self-care after a breakup. This can include doing things you enjoy or that make you feel good. Take long hot baths, watch your favorite comedy shows, and treat yourself to your favorite foods.
Taking it easy on yourself also means avoiding things that will only trigger you.
Try to avoid seeing your ex on social media. Even though it’s tempting to have a Snoop, it will only open up old wounds or spark paranoia about what he’s doing now that you’re not around.
If you’re serious about making no contact work, consider completely blocking your ex on social media if you know that the temptation will be hard for you to handle.
Experts say it’s always a good idea to delete your ex from all of your social media. Relationship Advice columnist Amy Chan told Insider that you need a break, even if it’s only temporary.
“One-hundred percent, detox from your ex. And it’s not because they’re a bad person. Detoxing your ex doesn’t mean that you hate the person or it ended on bad terms. It also doesn’t mean you can’t be friends again in the future, but you do need a period for your mind, body, heart, and soul to transition from a relationship that’s intimate or romantic to something else.”
If you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex, you may want to consider taking some time away from social media altogether. Get out into the real world, see friends, and do things to take your mind off things.
Mindfulness in the present moment can help you focus and feel calm.
5) Wait for him to reach you
The hardest part of breaking up isn’t saying goodbye; It is waiting for him to say hello.
This is especially true if you secretly hope the silent treatment will work magic on your ex and make him crawl back.
If you are hoping he will reach ‘After a breakup, how long does it take for a guy to realize that he misses you?’ Questions like these are probably playing heavily in your mind.
Sometimes time and space can make a man realize what he has lost, prompting him to reach out. But the unfortunate truth is that we cannot manipulate someone into behaving as we want to.
He’ll get in touch if he wants to save the relationship, but either way, you need to focus your energy on yourself right now.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of worrying that you’ll never hear from him again. Thinking about the early stages of a breakup can make you panic.
But in reality, you’ll most likely be talking to him again – regardless of whether you will get back together.
6) Think about your long-term happiness
We tend to reach for our rose-tinted glasses when we’re amid a heartache. We can look back on the relationship, primarily (or entirely) missing the good times.
Neglecting to see the problems between you and your ex will cost you in the future. Ignoring the reasons you break up is not going to fix them. Neither is reaching now, just because you miss him.
When the dust settles, and the high low of bringing it back to your life is low, you’re back at square one.
You broke up for a reason, and now is an excellent time to remember why. Change the projection if you notice yourself playing all the happy memories on a loop in your brain.
Instead, think about a time when your ex hurt you, made you cry, or made you angry.
It’s not like you want to hold onto bitterness or pain. It’s more that, right now, thinking about the bad times will make you stronger.
7) Talk to someone who understands
Talking to someone who knows what you’re going through can help you stay focused and motivated.
Talking to a friend or family member can help you keep perspective and remember why you decided to cut contact in the first place.
It’s also a good distraction. And it drives itself crazy by keeping your feelings locked inside.
Especially because breakups can feel isolating, turning to others for support can be helpful.
But you certainly don’t have to party to distract yourself from your feelings completely. It is essential to take care of yourself.
If you need some time away from people and to socialize for a while, then go for it. You don’t have to explain why you want to be alone.
8) When you want to quit, try to do it another day
Willpower is a funny thing. Our resolve may seem strong, but we are ready to crumble the next moment.
According to the American Psychological Association, willpower is the ability to resist short-term gratification in pursuing long-term goals or objectives.
The rewards of managing to stay strong are well documented, with willpower associated with positive life outcomes such as higher self-esteem and improved physical and mental health.
But willpower fails when exposed to emotionally charged situations where stimuli override our rational, cognitive system, leading to impulsive actions.
In short, wanting to stop the pain of missing your ex right now could mean that you’re doing something you’ll regret later.
You are bound to experience moments of weakness during the no-contact process. Don’t beat yourself up for those moments. Just try to remind yourself that they are not permanent. They pass.
Instead of making a knee-jerk decision, give yourself more time to decide. If, at this point, going another week or even a month without talking to your ex seems too challenging to handle, make a small promise to yourself.
Can you go another 24 hours? Sometimes the mountain we’re climbing feels more achievable than taking it day to day.
9) Science says he’s going to regret the breakup more than you
Of course, it is about doing without contact at the moment alone what is best for you to move forward. But it may give you some comfort to know that research shows that men, in the long run, tend to regret our former flames more than us women.
If you’re wondering how no contact affects your ex, you may be surprised (and potentially relieved) to learn that, despite the stereotype, research has shown that men are more prone to breakups. More emotional pain is experienced during
One study also found that women usually reflect and move on after parting. Regarding regret over the breakup, women eventually totally move on from it.
On the other hand, men felt a lot of remorse and tended to ruminate on past loves and memories.
Binghamton University anthropologist Craig Eric Morrison told Vice:
Women never say, ‘This was the greatest man in my life [and] I’ve never made peace with it. [But] not one man said, ‘I’m on it. I’m a better person for this,”
So if you’re feeling down about being single, look for some solace in the fact that science is telling you that you’re better than your ex-boyfriend right now.