You consider your wife to be the woman of your dreams. Maybe you’ve even been married for a few years when suddenly, she seems distant…
The connection you once had seems to have changed. But why?
You may start to ask yourself: is she happy with the relationship? Have you done something wrong? Are you misinterpreting things and everything’s fine?
If that’s the case, then this article is for you.
Here are ten signs to watch out for if you feel like your wife is more distant than usual, and how you can start approaching the situation.
Let’s figure it out!
10 signs to check if your wife is pulling away from you
Your wife has changed and you don’t know where the change is coming from. You used to be affectionate, and loving, and your marriage was great.
Why is she suddenly acting cold and distant? Could she be trying to push you away?
Let’s look at the signs and find out why this might be happening.
1) Your wife is suddenly uncommunicative
We all have the right to enjoy our privacy, but if your wife didn’t hide her passwords and now she seems worried you’ll read her phone messages, it can be something to think about.
Answering mysterious calls away from you or tilting her screen away so you don’t see it might show that things aren’t as good as they used to be.
Unfortunately, this might indicate that the problem is serious. You should have an open and honest conversation if that’s the case.
2) Your wife is being dismissive
Suddenly, the conversations are difficult or don’t happen at all. She is quiet and disconnected from you. This, while challenging to go through, can point to several problems.
There might be different reasons for her to become distant. And these reasons may not be related to you or your relationship. For instance:
- She might be processing something negative;
- She doesn’t feel good at her job or someone is bothering her there;
- She has a crisis but is not ready to share it with you yet.
And that’s why she seems to be miles away.
You must ask your wife what’s wrong; and if she tells you she isn’t ready to talk about it, give her the space she needs.
3) She’s hanging out with new friends
This can be especially hard if your marriage hasn’t been that great lately and she suddenly starts seeing a new group of people.
It doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage is over.
Remember that people change over time, and maybe she wants to be more outgoing. If you love her, you should celebrate! She accomplished something hard for most people.
Send her on her merry way and compliment her about it. Of course, you can always tell her if you feel like you need some reassurance of her affection.
4) She doesn’t invest time in the relationship
Your wife might be busier with other aspects of her life, like her job or a personal project.
If there are certain dates she doesn’t have time for anymore, you can talk to her about it and see if she wants to rearrange.
If the change is bigger, like:
- She suddenly goes away on a special day;
- She can’t go on holiday with you;
- She is always busy whenever you try to organise something for the two of you,
it might be a sign that something’s off.
5) Your wife doesn’t make small talk
Every marriage has a bit of small talk that indicates the other partner cares. Questions like “how was your day?” are a given.
If your wife suddenly seems indifferent to how you’ve spent your days and how are you in general, it’s not only in your head.
Someone that loves you and has married you is supposed to care about you.
6) The sex dynamic changes
Perhaps she is indifferent emotionally, but she still wants to sleep with you. The signs are mixed and it’s okay to be confused.
Sex creates a connection, but if it suddenly starts to feel like she only does it to feel good and doesn’t pay attention to your needs, it’s not a good sign.
Talk to her about it and see if she’s still invested in the future of your marriage or if something has changed.
7) Your wife is annoyed at you
If everything you do annoys her or she suddenly starts mocking little things you do, it’s time to pay attention.
Sometimes people can grieve a relationship before cutting off ties, and a good way to start the process is to find details and get annoyed or angry about them.
If she snaps because you left the toilet seat up one time and it’s not something that normally bothers her at all, it can be a sign that she’s looking for reasons to leave the marriage altogether.
8) Your wife thinks you’re cheating
Someone who seems paranoid about the idea of a partner cheating on them may have a hard time dealing with it.
If your wife is accusing you of cheating out of nowhere there may be two main reasons for it:
- she feels that you’re distant and she suspects you found someone else on the side;
- or perhaps she wants to explore things with other people herself.
Even though this might not be true, accusing someone of cheating isn’t to be taken lightly and can speak about a bigger issue that she’s not telling you.
9) Your intuition is going off
Our subconscious picks up on signs quicker than we can process them. It can be accurate at telling us when something isn’t right, especially because you know your wife well.
If the feeling that something’s off doesn’t seem to go away, listen to it.
Don’t ignore it.
Try to see with a clear head if she’s not texting you or if she is going off at the slightest annoyance.
Remember that speaking about it can help solve things a lot faster than just ignoring what’s happening.
10) She doesn’t show affection
If she was super affectionate at the beginning and now she doesn’t even give you a kiss when you get home, it might be a sign that something’s off.
Casual signs of love, like nicknames and cuddles, are normal in a healthy marriage, even if your wife isn’t one for public displays of affection.
If she suddenly stopped expressing her love in this way, even if they feel small, it can be a red flag and a warning for you to talk about it.
It can be upsetting to know that your wife is pulling away, but don’t be afraid. Open-hearted communication and honesty are always good things.
When your behaviors are pushing her away
Our actions speak louder than words, and some of the things you’re doing can be pushing your wife away and making her indifferent to you.
It doesn’t mean you’re a monster, we all make mistakes and it’s not always with bad intentions.
Check in with yourself and see if your behaviours are the reason why she seems off.
This list can help you consider or rule out the most typical things that people get annoyed about.
You give your wife the cold shoulder
If you and your wife are arguing and suddenly you stop talking, or get angry and switch the topic, you’re damaging the relationship.
Maybe you need time to cool off before confronting an issue, but make sure to tell her that. If this has been happening in every fight, your wife is probably resenting you for it.
You’re overanalyzing everything she does
This is something that happens a lot in relationships. If your wife feels like she can’t say or do anything without you reading your meaning into it, she will be annoyed.
So, don’t take everything she does personally, as this will provoke fights for no reason. You can even be doing this subconsciously to push your wife away and she’s resenting it.
You’re being insecure
All of us are a bit insecure sometimes, and there are times when things get worse.
Still, if all you do is vent your insecurities to your wife and you don’t accept anything positive she says, she can start to pull away.
Furthermore, if your insecurities are making you lash out at her for the smallest things, it’s serious. You have to break the cycle!
You don’t pay attention to your body language
If you’re not aware of what signals your body language sends to your wife, that might be something that is pulling her away.
That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…
They get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.
Watch this excellent free video by Kate Spring.
Kate’s a relationship expert who helped me improve my own body language around women.
In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.
You’re ignoring your spouse
It feels horrible to be ignored, and it can make you furious. The same is true for your wife.
If she’s telling you about something important, or just trying to share about herself or her day and you’re ignoring her, it’s you who’s pushing her away.
Don’t take your wife for granted, and don’t invalidate her experiences either. Listen to her!
You think your wife is a mind-reader
As you probably already know, being married doesn’t mean all your thoughts and desires come true.
Nobody knows every thought and every motivation behind a spouse’s actions, and this is true for your wife as well.
You have to communicate and talk about what you’re feeling, and what you hope and need. Not doing so is also pushing her away.
You fixate on details
Being resentful and bringing up the same small thing over and over again will surely cause problems with your wife.
And for you, it will do the same.
Although anger is a perfectly normal thing to feel in a marriage, it’s not okay to not let it go. She will be angry, and you won’t move on. It spells trouble all the way.
You make everything about yourself
Selfish people aren’t pleasant to be around. If all you talk about is yourself, and you behave as if you’re the center of the universe, your wife won’t be happy.
You’re making her feel insignificant! Try to listen more to her and even plan some activities that she enjoys.
You’re emotionally unavailable
Feeling terror at the prospect of intimacy and not letting your wife in is the best way to end a marriage.
It’s subtle at first, but with time she will realise it and it won’t feel good. Don’t hold yourself back, especially not if you love her. Learn to give and receive love and you’ll be happier, we promise.
You’re comparing her to other people
Nothing does a number on someone’s self-esteem like a romantic partner comparing you to other people.
What does this mean for you?
Well, if all you do with your wife is express your longing for some ex or compare her to your mother, the relationship will not go well for long. Nobody wants to feel like they’re not enough.
You don’t have your priorities straight
It’s great that you love your job and that you enjoy being with your friends. However, when you are married the relationship also has to be a priority.
Don’t neglect your wife as your relationship will suffer from it. Only love is not enough, a marriage needs attention, care, and especially quality time.
Your wife is pulling away: what to do next?
There are always strategies to sort out a difficult situation, and your wife pulling away is one of them.
Here are some things you can do that will help improve the relationship and get out of that rough patch.
Remember that true intimacy requires difficult conversations.
Learn to communicate better
Healthy marriages are healthy because they communicate with honesty. This can’t be stressed enough, communication is the key to the success of every partnership and marriages aren’t the exception.
Even if your marriage isn’t going through the best moment, don’t stop communicating. Be open about the issues you’re facing and try to see you and her as a team against the problem.
If you let things go without talking about them, they will make matters worse.
Don’t let your relationship get stuck
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
I know that I was always sceptical about getting outside help until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talking. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like when your wife is pulling you away.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
Validate your wife’s feelings
Having your feelings belittled or dismissed is infuriating and it hurts everyone, making them feel like they don’t matter.
Don’t let your wife feel this way.
Encourage each other to solve the problems in your marriage, even if it isn’t easy. You both must express your feelings and talk about them without a partner mocking them.
Try and put yourself in her place, don’t let your hurt ego ruin things. Try to see practical things you can do to solve the problem.
That is a healthy way to fix a marriage.
Respect each other’s time
If your wife needs space to cool off and process the issues after a difficult conversation, don’t smother her.
It’s normal to feel anxious and want to solve a problem quickly, but you have to communicate with respect.
Time heals all wounds or, in this case, helps people talk about them more healthily.
You can take the time she needs to empathise with her perspective and think about how to make things better.
In a nutshell
Now that you’re aware of how your wife might be pulling away, you can know for sure if something’s off or not. Now all you have to do is approach and solve the problem.
Here are some things to consider if your wife is acting strangely:
- Again, communication is essential in a healthy marriage. Ask her if what you’re thinking is true and what can be the issue. Reassure her of your love and tell her you’re willing to solve the problem. You can even go on and tell her how you’re affected by her behaviour.
- Have patience if your wife isn’t willing to talk at first. Remember to respect her time and she will open up to you when she feels okay to do so.
- Work on making her feel safe with you. Be okay with her expressing her feelings, however negative those might be, and let her know you still love her. Don’t neglect yourself either and take time if you need it.
- Learn her love language and show her love the way she needs it.
If your wife is acting indifferent towards you, there is a reason.
Don’t ignore the situation, it will only make it worse. Instead, take an active approach and try to solve it quickly.
It’s a marriage, make sure you are there for your wife when she’s having trouble communicating.