It’s a basic state of affairs that we’ve all skilled.
Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy.
Boy doesn’t like her back.
The good guys who present you curiosity you simply aren’t into. Meanwhile, the dangerous boys, cool guys, and hotties who you drool over by no means appear to note you.
If you’ve been questioning why do I like guys who don’t like me back? then this text has the answer.
Why am I drawn to guys who don’t give me consideration? 15 actual reasons
1) You like the picture of him
Plenty of us after we fall for somebody hasn’t fallen from them in any respect.
In actuality, we’ve fallen for the concept of them. We get this picture of who we expect they’re taking a look at them and their life from the skin.
When he doesn’t like you back there’s probability you’re by no means getting shut sufficient to him to see the true him. If you did, you might understand that he’s not fairly who you created him to be in your thoughts.
This occurred to me not way back. I fell for a man I hardly knew. I preferred the concept of him that I projected onto him. And the extra I couldn’t have him, the extra I wished him.
Particularly when you need one thing you can’t have, it’s far simpler to project your mind-made fantasies onto an individual.
You cloud your notion with daydreams a couple of life you would have collectively if he only preferred you back.
The extra you take into consideration him, the extra your thoughts weaves these perfect photos of him and you too collectively. Images that aren’t being spoiled by actuality.
Do you know him? What do you actually like about him? Or do you like the concept of him?
2) You’re primarily going for appears
It’s a cliche, however there could also be at the very least some reality to it…
The actually sizzling guys are sometimes form of jerks. Don’t take my phrase for it. That’s even what science says.
A examine discovered that the better-looking somebody is, the extra egocentric they’re.
But the true level is that relationship compatibility and attraction are extra sophisticated than appears alone.
It’s pure to go for appears. Research has proven that regardless of protests that character is extra essential, girls value a person’s bodily attractiveness far more than they are saying they do.
If you’re only ever chasing after the best-looking guys, the truth is that they have numerous choices and probably numerous women all the time chasing after them.
But the hazard is that crushes based mostly largely on appears are usually extra shallow.
It will not be supported by a stronger or deeper connection based mostly on shared values, beliefs, and appropriate personalities.
You can’t assist who you consider as bodily enticing, however liking somebody ought to run deeper than simply their appears.
3) You suppose he’s too good for you
This one all comes all the way down to mindset.
Deep down, you don’t suppose you are sufficient for him, so you’re not. It turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But there are not any mystical forces at play. Your deeply ingrained beliefs about you and about him manifest themselves in so some ways.
They present in the way in which you speak, the physique language you give off, and the actions that you take round him. It sends 1001, usually unconscious, messages out.
Sadly these messages are:
“I think you are out of my league”.
“I doubt you’d ever be interested in a girl like me”.
If you’ve ever thought to your self ‘why am I never the girl guys want?’ then shallowness and confidence may very well be your drawback.
Men reply nicely to assured girls. When somebody thinks of themselves as enticing, they appear extra enticing to others.
First, you must learn to love your self and see your personal big value. You can’t appeal to the correct sort of man except you cease pondering you’re not value it.
4) You strive too exhausting
When you suppose somebody is tremendous enticing, you clearly actually need them to like you back too.
But that may imply you find yourself making an attempt too exhausting. Your makes an attempt to impress him might find yourself which means that you cease being your self round him.
It additionally explains why those you don’t like do like you — as a result of you’re not overthinking it round them. You can chill out and let your true self shine by round them.
When you like somebody, the stakes are excessive. You strive twice as exhausting. But it could come throughout as pretend, compelled, determined, too eager, and even needy.
So if you end up questioning why you don’t get the eye you deserve, perhaps it’s time to vary your method.
Ask your self whether or not you act in a different way round a crush. Are you chasing them or approaching too sturdy and scaring them off?
5) You’re on the lookout for a fairytale
I blame Hollywood and all these Disney tales we grew up on, however numerous us have been raised with some fairly messed-up photos of affection.
Have you ever requested your self why love is so exhausting?
Why can’t it’s how you imagined rising up? Or at the very least make some sense…
When you’re coping with guys you like by no means liking you back it’s straightforward to change into pissed off and even really feel helpless. You might even be tempted to throw within the towel and quit on love.
I wish to recommend doing one thing totally different.
It’s one thing I realized from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way in which to seek out love and intimacy is just not what we’ve been culturally conditioned to imagine.
In reality, many people self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way in which of meeting a associate who can actually fulfill us.
As Rudá explains on this mind-blowing free video, many people chase love in a poisonous manner that finally ends up stabbing us within the back.
We get caught in terrible relationships or empty encounters, by no means actually discovering what we’re on the lookout for and persevering with to really feel horrible about things like all the time wanting the guys we are able to’t have.
We fall in love with a super model of somebody as an alternative of the true particular person.
We attempt to “fix” our companions and find yourself destroying relationships.
We attempt to discover somebody who “completes” us, only to collapse with them subsequent to us and really feel twice as dangerous.
Rudá’s teachings confirmed me an entire new perspective.
While watching, I felt like somebody understood my struggles to seek out and nurture a love for the primary time – and at last supplied an precise, sensible answer to breaking the cycle of unrequited love.
If you’re carried out with unsatisfying relationship, empty hookups, irritating relationships, and having your hopes dashed again and again, then it is a message you want to listen to.
I assure you won’t be dissatisfied.
6) You place the next value on unattainable guys
Let’s dig deep into social psychology.
The extra unavailable one thing (or on this case somebody) is, the extra social value we place on it. This phenomenon is named the shortage impact.
If you can’t have him, he have to be uncommon, particular, and oh a lot extra fascinating, proper?
That will be what’s psychologically happening in our heads after we need somebody we can’t have.
In evolutionary phrases, we’re all on the lookout for a mate who has the best social value. It’s kind of imprinted into our DNA.
You would possibly simply be subconsciously sabotaging your self by inserting a excessive value on somebody who doesn’t care sufficient to pursue you.
7) You’re neurologically addicted
If it’s ever felt like you simply can’t cease excited about a man, although he doesn’t like you back, it’d begin to really feel virtually like an dependancy. And you wouldn’t be flawed.
A very fascinating examine revealed we are able to get hooked on rejection and this deep craving for wanting what we are able to’t have.
Human conduct researcher, Dr. Helen Fisher discovered that romantic rejection can really feel addictive because it stimulates brain areas which can be related to dependancy, motivation, reward, and cravings.
It turns the article of the unrequited love right into a drug-like substance that we are able to’t appear to cease wanting.
Even although logically you know you can’t have this particular person, chemically you are nonetheless wanting him.
8) You need what you can’t have
It’s a generally accepted truism that individuals all the time appear to need what they’ll’t have.
Going for guys who don’t need you back is probably the epitome of this.
There are loads of reasons why we wish what we are able to’t have.
Sometimes it’s the stubbornness of wanting somebody just because you can’t have them.
You benefit from the chase. Your ego doesn’t wish to be informed “no”. You can’t assist however wish to win the prize of getting somebody who you really feel like you can’t have.
Perhaps if they’d proven curiosity in you, you wouldn’t need them fairly a lot.
Why do I chase guys who don’t need me? Maybe a part of the reason being merely that you are wired to need what you can’t have.
9) You have an anxious attachment type
We usually suppose that we don’t get a say in who we’re drawn to, however is that absolutely true?
Our preferences and the individuals we go for have been subtly molded for a few years — usually since childhood.
The beliefs you have about love and relationships have been influenced by your experiences all through life.
Our attachment kinds are normally created throughout our youthful years. Your household unit and caregivers vastly affect the varieties of guys you go for in later life.
If you have an anxious/dependent attachment type, as unusual because it sounds, you is perhaps extra more likely to search out males and conditions that find yourself in rejection and ache.
In a bizarre manner, rejection feels acquainted to you, and so it’s snug on some stage. You can also be inadvertently making an attempt to heal previous wounds.
Let me give you an instance from my life.
My dad is a really unemotional man. He by no means gave me any consideration after I was rising up. As a consequence, I seen an actual sample in maturity of going after related guys.
The ones who did give me consideration scared me off. I wasn’t used to a person who acted like that. So I didn’t belief it and it freaked me out.
The guys that hardly gave me the time of day, these I wished. I felt “at home” around those kinds of men.
In some unconscious manner, a part of me felt like if I might “win” them over and get them to pay me consideration, I might heal among the ache of not getting my dad’s consideration after I was younger.
Why is it that we wish those that don’t see us, as an alternative of those that do? Sometimes we’ve been conditioned to.
10) It occurs to us all in some unspecified time in the future
Sometimes we learn into things an excessive amount of. Or because the saying goes “one swallow doesn’t make summer”.
Something occurring a few times isn’t conclusive proof that there’s one thing flawed with you and you all the time like the guys who don’t like you back.
The reality is that it occurs to us all in some unspecified time in the future, and it’s not unusual for it to occur pretty continuously.
The very unromantic reality about love and romance is that it’s a numbers recreation. Loads of the time it’s not going to work out.
Attraction is sophisticated. It’s based mostly on so many components.
Their distinctive background and experiences which have formed their preferences and character is thrown collectively together with your distinctive background and experiences which have formed your preferences and character.
Oh after which we’ve to throw timing into the combination too.
I do know it all the time feels very personal when somebody doesn’t like us back, nevertheless it’s not so simple as that.
We are likely to fixate on those who don’t like us back and so it makes it into an enormous deal. But each single particular person on the planet faces rejection.
As we’ve seen, there isn’t only one motive why you is perhaps drawn to the guys who don’t like you back. It may very well be a mix of reasons.
The excellent news is that changing habits all the time begins with consciousness.