It takes hard times to build a healthy relationship, but that doesn’t mean saying hurtful words. You may have arguments with your romantic partner, but it should not escalate into accusations. Saying nasty things to each other can hinder your relationship and your well-being.
Healthy relationships need more positivity than negativity. Every subtle comment sticks in your spouse’s mind and repeats it repeatedly. Positive experiences don’t continue to cross their minds, which makes negative words and accusations more widespread.
Because negativity is remembered the longest, you need more comfort and support. It can provide security when arguments happen, letting your partner know you still care about them. If you fill your relationship with hurtful words, it won’t feel comfortable to be connected.
Learning phrases not to say to your romantic partner can make a difference. If you can keep these subtle expressions and words, your partner will know that you care about them, even during arguments. Your partner shouldn’t say these things to you either. Because building a healthy relationship is up to both partners.
12 Things you should never say to your romantic partner
Even strong relationships face challenges. You and your romantic partner certainly disagree and sometimes get into arguments. But what you say during this time can make or break your relationship. Some things can cause irreparable complications.
1. I hate you
Telling your romantic partner you hate them hurts. It’s fragile. Your partner may pick up on this comment when they wish you didn’t spend time with them or the relationship.
Even if you calm down and apologize for what you did, your spouse may be suspicious of your feelings. This can create trust issues and deep hatred.
2. You never do anything for me
This blanket statement hurts because it’s not accurate. If that were true, you wouldn’t be with your spouse. Accusations like these meant that you assumed your spouse had no good intentions for you and your relationship.
Telling your romantic partner to never do anything for you also belittles their effort. This means that their sacrifice is pointless even if they think they are doing the right thing about you.
Instead of using this expression when you’re angry, try something else. In this case, you’re probably mad about something your romantic partner didn’t do. But don’t use blanket expressions.
Instead, be clear and kind about what you need from them in every situation. It helps your romantic partner understand what you need while ensuring no miscommunication and irritation.
3. I wish I had never met you
This statement can cause your romantic partner to distance himself from you and the relationship. It cuts deep and can lead to issues later until the relationship ends. Do not answer them: “Now you will not meet them!”
Similarly, words like wrong will hurt your partner and tell them they’ve never met. Even as time passes, the doubts it causes will grow. This will make your spouse wonder if you care about them first.
4. You have no reason to be angry
You are telling your romantic partner they are wrong to be upset, hurting their feelings. It trivializes their feelings and helps them hide their feelings from you. Healthy relationships involve communication, including hearing what you disagree with.
Instead of telling them, it’s wrong to be angry, listen without judgment. Even if you disagree, it’s not good to belittle your partner’s feelings. Accusations that they have no reason to be angry can make you think they can’t be honest with you.
If you believe they have no reason to be upset, wait. They will calm down. However, if you use this phrase, your partner will not forget it, even after they are no longer angry.
5. If you loved me, you would
This phrase is harmful, even if all you mean is that you want your partner to do something. Don’t push them to do something they’re uncomfortable with.
If you don’t understand why they don’t want to do something, ask what’s holding them back. Discussing this can help you without putting pressure on your partner and making them feel bad.
6. I wish you looked more like…
It is telling your romantic partner that you want to be more like someone else, which is doing you a lot of harm. In addition to making your partner feel threatened, it creates unhealthy competition. This statement may seem to them that they are not enough for you, even if you did not mean it that way. Don’t hesitate to say what you want.
Also, don’t try to make your relationship look like someone else’s. No matter how you say these words, they can cause unnecessary emotional and mental pain.
7. You are a bit fat since we got together
This statement (or counter-accusation-ing. too thin) is a form of body shaming. It can damage your partner’s mental health even if you say it as a joke. According to research, body shaming is humiliating and damages their self-esteem.
Your partner trusts your opinion. You don’t want to offend them by saying something about their body. You may think it is helping you, but it is not.
8. Shut up
This phrase may come out of your mouth during an argument. It might be the first thing that comes to mind if you’re nervous or upset. But you have to keep it inside. Telling your partner to shut up is harsh and gives the impression that they are allowed to speak their mind.
9. I don’t care
If you say it is unimportant, it can spoil your relationship. In a relationship, you are the one who has to have your partner’s best interests at heart. This can create fear of abandonment and make your partner feel like you don’t care about them.
Your partner should feel comfortable coming to you about anything. If they care about something, they will want to share it with you. Ignore them, or they may create a barrier between you.
10. I would like our relationship to be as it was at the beginning
people change over time, which means relationships evolve too. You can’t expect your relationship to stay the same when life changes. Wishing it stays the same is wishful thinking. It makes it possible for your partner to think you are no longer happy with them.
Instead of wishing these relationships were the same, consider what you want now. It will help you focus on improving the situation rather than dwelling on the past.
If you want to do what you used to, be specific and say so. It hurts less than wishing for the relationship to be the same. Thanks to this, your partner can make a beneficial change.
11. You act like…
Negatively saying this is a surefire way to start a fight. Accusations can lead to defensiveness and lack of communication. Perhaps you think that when your spouse is angry, they act like their mother, father, sister, or someone else.
But even if you think so, you should keep it to yourself. Instead of using this phrase, calmly talk to your spouse about their behavior. Describe how they say what they did make you sad and how it affected you.
12. You are crazy.
This accusation makes your romantic partner think you are questioning their judgment. If you say it often, it might make them challenge their opinion. This is not only good for their mental health and confidence but also harmful.
Try to understand your interlocutor. Listen to what they say and ask questions to understand their point of view. This will make your spouse feel you are hearing them without compromising their well-being.
Oops–You’ve already made one of these accusations against your loved one. What happened this time??
Mistakes happen, and you may let some of them slip out of your mouth during an argument. If you have said any of these statements to your partner, it is not too late to correct them. You can recover the damage in the following ways:
- Admit your mistake and admit you were wrong.
- Apologize sincerely and personally.
- Realize that your relationship cannot be the same until your partner recovers from your words.
- Don’t repeat the mistake in the future.
Latest thoughts on phrases to never say to a romantic partner
Arguments and misunderstandings happen. But it is unnecessary to aggravate the situation by making hurtful statements or accusations. You should never say these phrases to your romantic partner, but there are others. Before you say something during an argument, think about whether it will hurt your partner.
You don’t want to hurt them and make them question your relationship. If you don’t think you can avoid saying something hurtful, walk away until you’re calm.