Have you been divorced for a while? And now you have the idea of remarrying with your ex? You will miss your loved one for a long time. Why would you want to remarry after a bad breakup? Some realize that they are soul mates and make big mistakes. But others have more complex reasons.
Even in the most loving relationships, there are problems and disagreements. People are still separate people and often scratch their heads. The key to making a relationship work is learning to set boundaries, compromise, and learn from mistakes.
Divorce ranks high on the list of human losses. Everything you know is shaken. You feel like you’ve lost your best friend. Grief and its many returning emotions, like any other loss, you will pass.
There will be a lot of bitter trading and a lot of tears. Financial difficulties often arise, as well as questions about child custody. These experiences can leave a person exhausted and never want to be in a relationship again.
But some learn to cope and live their lives. Maybe they will find someone else, and their relationship will be vital. For others, the thought of not being with their soul mate forever may be too much for them to handle.
Why do divorced couples remarry?
Reasons for remarriage vary from couple to couple. Many people find that after the anger and frustration of a divorce wear off, they miss their ex, especially if they were married for any length of time.
They may wonder what they could have done differently or whether the marriage could have been saved—some people considering remarrying their ex wonder if they made a mistake in getting the divorce.
A study of couples who remarried after divorce found several other reasons for reconciling, ex-husband or ex-wife:
- Get a personal growth experience that leads them back into contact
- Forgive and forget what your ex did wrong
- Build a positive relationship with your ex’s family
- Miss dating their exes
- Realize that single life is unsatisfying and difficult
- Realize that they are still in love with their ex
- Accept that they divorced on impulse or for inadequate reasons
Even if both of you have experienced the pain of divorce, it may not be forever. Maybe your spiritual connection is enough to start the healing process.
These eight reasons can explain the eight reasons why divorcees need to get married to remarry.
1. The distance makes your heart more loving
Some remarry with ex-spouses because the separation is too emotional to handle. Do you remember the glory days during engagements and weddings? You had found your soul mate and spent so much time together that being apart was out of the question.
Either way, your relationship has deteriorated, and you are more comfortable with your separation. Maybe it got so bad that you couldn’t stand being in the same room with them. This is part of the reason why you are filing for divorce.
If you lose your identity in a relationship, neither of you will feel fulfilled. Although it is necessary for couples to be together, you still need time for your interests and personal development. Separation after a divorce can help you regain a sense of individuality.
But you can see how much you miss your ex and how much they are your soulmate. Your heart longs for the excitement and romance between you as a couple. This wish may make you want to marry them again and work this time.
2. You realize the grass isn’t greener
It’s easy to think that others don’t have troubled relationships during a marriage breakup. Looking around, you could see your family and friends smiling, holding hands, and living the best life.
You’ve started dreaming about writing a new chapter in your newly single life. Getting back into the dating scene probably felt strange after being married for so long. But you were determined to find what you missed in your previous relationship.
It would be like a scene from your favorite romantic movie. They would look at you from across the room. It would be love at first sight. It will be a whimsical romance of endless champagne bubbles, roses, and midnight serenades.
These shiny, happy-go-lucky couples only exist in soap operas and romance novels. When you face reality, you will see that every relationship has flaws. Even the most beautiful and talented people make mistakes and disappoint each other.
Perhaps you treat your ex-spouse differently. Maybe they look better when you compare them to some toxic people you’ve met. Reevaluating your past relationships can help you see that they are your soul mate and you want to remarry them.
3. You’ve had time to think, so you’re ready to get married again
Although time cannot heal all wounds, it gives space for reflection. Immediately after a divorce, your nerves and emotions are raw. You can’t look past anger and resentment and pray over it for a while.
After a while, you may gain a new perspective on the breakdown of your relationship. Maybe you can speak more clearly and change your attitude about the past. Maybe your ex is having second thoughts about what destroyed your marriage.
Most importantly, you’ll have time to think about what brought you together in the first place. Do you still dream of your ex-spouse as your soulmate? Maybe this season you can confirm that you want to get married again by making out with each other.
4. You learned to forgive and be forgiven
Usually, the breakup of a marriage has a history of many sins, difficulties, and hostility. These issues are not automatically resolved after a divorce. This can lead to bitterness, depression, and loneliness.
Time spent away from your ex-spouse may allow you to forgive. This does not mean that the pain of the past can be excused or forgotten. You don’t give them a free pass to ignore their contribution to your failed relationship.
But you have learned to give forgiveness as a gift to yourself. An article published by Harvard University states that forgiveness alleviates depression and increases self-esteem. According to the report, it can lead to a more satisfying life.
Maybe some issues in your past marriage were your fault. The first step to healing is to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then, try not to correct their mistakes and never repeat these actions.
Unfortunately, some divorces are so bitter that couples cannot reconcile and remarry. If you believe you and your ex are soulmates, learning to forgive is a huge victory. At least if you don’t get married again, you can let go of the past and move on with your life.
5. Time has changed you both. You also want to remarry your ex
If you marry your high school sweetheart, you’ll be in a good place. According to information provided to publication by the US Census Bureau, at least 25 percent of couples started a family after high school. Maybe you found your partner in your teenage years and wanted to be together for the rest of your life.
But what if you marry your love for a long time and it ends in divorce? Does that mean you were never meant to be married? You will never know until you both have time to think of one person again.
Remember that everyone changes over time, both positively and negatively. You are not the same people today as you were in high school. Both of you have changed since your relationship split.
Only time will tell if your changes are for the better. In some cases, you will still find that you are not eligible. Maybe time is your friend, and you want to rekindle what you had in the past.
6. You decide to remarry because your heart knows you are soulmates
A lasting relationship understands the language of your heart. Even if you divorce your spouse, does your heart remain with them? If so, reconciliation is out of the question.
Sex may be necessary to you and your relationship, but it takes more than lust to make a long-term commitment. Ask yourself how comfortable you are with this person daily.
How well do you two work with conflict? The ability to resolve an argument far outweighs the ability to enjoy each other in the bedroom in determining how successful a marriage will be.
7. You share a history
While attraction brings people together, love and shared history can keep them together. Many of the beautiful moments you shared as a couple can be forgotten because of divorce. You may be feeling pessimism, pain, and grief about something at that moment.
Many divorced couples end up remarrying, often because they share a past. They remember the good times and want to put the negatives behind them. If this sounds like your story, maybe the Universe is trying to tell you something.
8. You remarry for the kids
One of the most challenging complications during a divorce is the involvement of children. The question of custody, visitation, and child support is not always amicable and can lead to many years of court battles. However, some divorcing couples settle these matters civilly and stay well for the sake of their children.
It’s important to note that if you and your ex have a toxic relationship, it’s not in anyone’s best interest for the kids to stay together. Both of you will be wasteful. Your children will be in the middle of the wreckage. They should part ways and work together to grow them.
But some ex-spouses tie the knot again because they love each other and want to start a family. They split weekends and holidays, and how the kids scramble back and forth. If you think you can get back together with your ex and your children will be happy, it can be a blessing for all of you.
Before You Remarry Your Ex
Before you decide that remarrying your ex is the best option, make sure you’re both ready for it. It won’t be easy. And statistically, the odds are against you.
Second marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. In fact, according to Psychology Today, “… a whopping 60% of remarriages fail. And they do so sooner; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages are divorced, compared to 30% of first marriages.”
If you and your ex are committed to getting back together, remember these three things:
- Understand that the odds are against you.
- Take things slowly.
- Consider meeting with a marriage counselor and taking a marriage education course.
Final thoughts on why divorced couples remarry
Just because they are a couple of divorces doesn’t mean they hate each other. Sometimes this break is what is needed to heal and reassess the relationship.
Divorce is not always a permanent thing. Maybe you’ll find your way back to each other and start a family again.