What To Do When Your Boyfriend Is Still Emotionally Attached To Ex-Wife (15 Practical Tips)
Are you in a relationship with a person who’s nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife? If so, you’re not alone. Many girls discover themselves on this state of affairs, and it may be fairly troublesome to take care of as a married relationship is sophisticated in itself.
However, there are things you are able to do to make the state of affairs extra manageable.
Here are 15 suggestions for coping with a man who’s still emotionally attached to his ex-wife
1. Don’t give in to jealousy and insecurities
It’s solely pure to really feel somewhat jealous and insecure when your partner’s nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife. After all, you possibly can’t assist however evaluate your self to her and surprise what he nonetheless sees in her that he might not see in you.
However, it’s essential to do not forget that everybody offers with breakups in their very own approach. More importantly, it’s essential to grasp that it is a completely regular and pure response, particularly if the connection ended on dangerous phrases or if there are kids concerned.
If you end up getting too caught up within the negative feelings of jealousy and, insecurity, attempt to remind your self that your partner’s attachment isn’t personal. It’s merely a results of his earlier relationship and has nothing to do with you.
In truth, it’s probably that he’s simply as attached to you as you might be to him. Just as a result of your boyfriend remains to be hung up on his ex doesn’t imply that he doesn’t love you.
So as a substitute of letting jealousy and insecurity get one of the best of you, attempt to concentrate on the constructive facets of your relationship.
Give him time to work by way of his feelings, and don’t attempt to pressure him to neglect about his ex fully.
If he actually cares about you, he’ll finally let go of his previous and provides himself absolutely to your relationship.
2. Don’t take his actions personally
Your boyfriend was married to his ex-wife for a motive. They have been collectively for a major period of time, they usually probably shared numerous reminiscences.
It’s essential to grasp that he’s not attempting to harm you by nonetheless being hung up on her. He’s merely coping with the breakup in his personal approach.
Just as you want time to grieve and course of the tip of a relationship, he wants time to do the identical.
Remember, his actions are simply reactions to what occurred to him previously. His attachment to his ex-wife has nothing to do with you or your relationship.
Whatever went on of their marriage, it isn’t a mirrored image of you or your relationship. If something, it says extra about his ex-wife and their relationship than it does about you.
3. Have a dialog and get readability about his emotions
If the person you’re dating is nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife, it’s essential to have a dialog and get readability about his emotions. Chances are, he’s simply as confused and annoyed as you might be.
He might not even notice that he’s nonetheless hung up on her. That’s as a result of guys are naturally drawn to the concept of triggering their internal hero. This idea of the hero intuition happened by way of analysis by relationship professional James Bauer.
A person’s drive to be a hero is innate and can’t actually unleash itself till it finds its match in one other particular person. It’s this intuition that leads most males down paths of self-discovery, searching for out these girls who can set off their internal heroes.
And maybe his ex-wife did that for him.
So if you wish to assist your boyfriend work by way of his attachment, it is advisable to begin by triggering his hero intuition.
In James Bauer’s wonderful free video, he covers some straightforward tricks to get you began. One of those is sending him a 12-word text message that can set off his hero intuition right away.
4. Let him take care of relationship points along with his ex
When it involves our exes, we frequently wish to be the one who helps them transfer on. We assume that if we will simply repair things for them, they’ll be capable of recover from their previous and eventually be pleased.
The factor is, being emotionally attached to an ex often has extra to do with unresolved points than it does with a scarcity of affection.
So in case your boyfriend remains to be hung up on his ex-wife, chances are high there are some unresolved points between them.
And as a lot as you could wish to assist him repair these points, it’s not your home to take action. Allow him to take care of his ex-wife on his personal. It could also be troublesome to observe him battle, but it surely’s one thing that he must do on his personal.
If you’re keen to stay round and be affected person, he’ll finally come to phrases along with his previous and be capable of transfer on.
5. Focus on the current moments of your love life
It’s straightforward to get caught up in what may have been or what would possibly occur sooner or later. But in case your boyfriend’s nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife, specializing in the current is vital.
Remember, his attachment to her relies on the previous. The solely approach to transfer ahead is to concentrate on the right here and now.
That means having fun with the time you spend collectively and constructing new reminiscences. It additionally means not dwelling on what he did along with his ex or what that they had collectively.
The extra you concentrate on the current, there’s a superb likelihood for him to let go of his attachment to his ex-wife.
6. Change your focus from the ex to your boyfriend
Let’s be actual: it’s straightforward to pay extra consideration to the one that’s inflicting us pain than the one who brings us pleasure. But this is able to solely be a short lived band-aid on the issue.
A simpler resolution could be to focus in your boyfriend and what your new relationship means to each of you.
Find a brand new pastime to expertise collectively
Finding a brand new pastime collectively may help you bond and create shared experiences. It can even assist take the main focus off his ex-wife and shift it to your relationship.
Here’s the kicker: the pastime doesn’t should be something fancy. It may very well be one thing so simple as going for walks collectively or taking over a brand new sport.
The essential factor is it’s one thing you are able to do collectively and that it helps you’re feeling nearer to him.
Encourage him to chop ties and get closure
Getting closure is a technique of coming to phrases with the tip of a relationship. While many don’t get the closure they want, encouraging your boyfriend to get one could make your relationship stronger.
In addition, it’ll additionally assist him take care of his attachment to his ex-wife in a healthy approach. The factor is, there’s no proper or mistaken approach to get closure as a result of everybody offers with breakups in another way.
There are some ways to get closure, but it surely often begins with a dialog. This may very well be along with his ex-wife and even only a heart-to-heart with you. However it occurs, the purpose is for him to come back to phrases with the tip of his relationship and transfer on.
Help your boyfriend see the nice in himself
One of the the reason why somebody is perhaps hung up on their ex is as a result of they don’t really feel ok.
This could seem odd, but it surely’s usually true.
Emotional attachment to an ex often stems from a scarcity of shallowness and self-worth. That’s as a result of they could really feel they don’t deserve any higher than the connection that failed.
As their new partner, the most effective things you are able to do is assist him see the nice in himself. This relates back to the distinctive idea I discussed earlier: the hero intuition.
Doing this can assist him notice that he’s a catch and that he deserves somebody who loves and appreciates him for who he’s. And one of the best half is, that triggering his hero intuition may be so simple as figuring out the fitting factor to say over a textual content.
You can be taught precisely what to do by watching this easy and real video by James Bauer.
7. Don’t evaluate your self to the ex-wife
It’s solely pure to check your self to the people your boyfriend dated. In all honesty, for those who’re coping with an ex-wife, the comparisons are most likely going to be unfair. After all, she’s the ex-wife.
She was “the one” for him at one time limit. It’s pure to really feel like you possibly can’t compete with that. But right here’s the factor: you’re not competing together with her. You’re not attempting to be the subsequent neatest thing.
You’re merely attempting to be one of the best factor in your boyfriend proper now. Focus on constructing a powerful relationship with him based mostly on belief, respect, and love. This approach, you’ll be capable of create an unbreakable bond.
8. Avoid citing reminiscences each time doable
When it involves conversations together with your boyfriend, it’s higher to keep away from citing the previous about his marriage.
Why is that?
Well, for one, it’ll solely remind him of the lingering emotions of pain and harm throughout the breakup. This can set him back emotionally and make it more durable for him to maneuver on.
Secondly, it could make you appear to be you’re not assured and safe in your present relationship. Bringing up his relationship along with his ex-wife may come throughout as you’re on the lookout for reassurance that he’s over her.
And you each know he nonetheless has his hang-ups.
Instead, revisit reminiscence lane from your individual relationship that can encourage him to concentrate on the current. This approach, you inspire him to create new, pleased reminiscences with you.
9. Set healthy boundaries on what you’ll and gained’t let him do
No relationship is ideal, and dating a person who was married isn’t any exception.
It may be robust attempting to navigate the fragile waters of dating whereas additionally sustaining some degree of boundaries.
But for those who’re capable of set healthy boundaries and talk them successfully, they’ll defend you and your relationship, and prevent numerous pain and heartache down the street.
Checking social media footage on Facebook and Instagram
Social media generally is a slippery slope relating to relationships.
On one hand, it’s a good way to keep up a correspondence with people and see what’s occurring of their lives. On the opposite hand, it may be a significant supply of drama and battle.
If your boyfriend’s still following his ex-wife on social media, it’s time to have a chat with him about it. Pictures he can discover on Facebook and Instagram, for example, may affect his feelings and ideas in a approach that could be unhealthy in your relationship.
Talk about staying in touch with the ex
If you’ll agree on conserving in contact with the ex-wife, it’s essential to set some tips. For occasion, you could wish to agree on a sure frequency of communication or solely talk about particular subjects.
It’s additionally essential to be clear about what your position is of their relationship. Are you comfy with being buddies together with her? Or would you like to not have any contact in any respect?
At the tip of the day, it is advisable to defend your individual emotional well-being and do what’s finest for you.
Touch on the possibility of each of them flirting at sure instances
Being emotionally attached to your ex can come out in several methods. One approach it could manifest is thru flirtation, both on-line or in particular person.
Your boyfriend might not even notice he’s doing it, however for those who really feel like he’s flirting along with his ex-wife, it’s essential to carry it up. You see, flirting is taken into account by many to be a type of emotional dishonest. And if he’s doing it along with his ex, it may very well be a superb signal that he’s not over her.
This doesn’t imply it’s best to break up with him or give him the silent therapy. But it does imply taking a step back to reassess your relationship and work out the place you stand with him.
At the tip of the day, it is advisable to defend your heart and do what’s finest for you.
10. Seek skilled recommendation from a relationship coach
Sometimes a relationship can really feel such as you’re caught in an limitless loop. It’s irritating when things don’t appear to be enhancing and nothing appears to assist resolve the state of affairs.
If you’re discovering it troublesome to take care of your boyfriend’s attachment to his ex-wife, it could be useful to hunt out skilled assist.
Relationship Hero is one of the best useful resource I’ve discovered for love coaches who aren’t simply all speak. They can offer you help and steering as you navigate this difficult state of affairs.
In only a few minutes you possibly can join with an authorized relationship coach and get tailored recommendation in your state of affairs.
And guess what? It’s confidential, so you possibly can speak overtly and candidly about what’s occurring.
Click right here to test them out.
11. Be thoughtful and delicate for the sake of his children
Having children from a former marriage could make things sophisticated, particularly for those who don’t know the best way to take care of them.
If your boyfriend has children, remember that he has an obligation to supply baby help and be there for them emotionally.
Think about that for a minute. Parenting whereas sorting by way of unresolved emotions is hard. His children could also be going by way of a troublesome time as they alter to their father or mother’s separation. Moreover, they will not be prepared so that you can step into their lives simply but.
This doesn’t imply you need to take a backseat in his life. But it does imply being thoughtful and delicate to his wants as a father as a result of they’re part of his life.
After all, you don’t wish to do something that may make the state of affairs more durable for them.
12. Let your family members know in regards to the state of affairs
Going by way of a troublesome state of affairs like this may be very demanding, so it’s essential to have a help system to lean on.
If you’re discovering it troublesome to take care of your boyfriend’s emotional attachment to his ex-wife, let your finest friend or a member of the family find out about it.
Having a trusted beloved one to speak to could make a world of distinction. Not solely will they be capable of give you help and steering, however they’ll even be there to lend a listening ear once you want it.
They might not be capable of offer you the solutions you’re on the lookout for, however they may help you determine what to do subsequent. And generally, that’s all it is advisable to get by way of a troublesome time.
13. You must concentrate on your self
If you’re in a relationship with somebody who’s nonetheless emotionally attached to their ex-wife, it may be robust.
You would possibly really feel such as you’re all the time second finest or that your relationship won’t ever be pretty much as good as their earlier one.
It’s essential to do not forget that you’re not accountable for their emotional state. And you possibly can’t pressure them to recover from their ex-wife after they’re not fully prepared to maneuver on.
The neatest thing you are able to do is concentrate on taking care of yourself.
Understand your emotions and why you’re feeling that approach
One factor you are able to do is a few self-reflection to grasp your emotions and work out the place they’re coming from.
Are you feeling insecure since you assume he’s nonetheless in love together with her? Do you’re feeling such as you’re all the time competing together with her for his consideration?
Or are you frightened that he’ll by no means be absolutely over her and that your relationship will all the time be affected by it? Once you determine what’s inflicting your anxiety, you can begin to work on addressing these points.
Gain management of your emotions when your boyfriend’s ex is round
It may be arduous when your partner’s ex-girlfriend is round. But having an ex-wife’s a complete totally different degree of sophisticated.
Having self-control may be troublesome in these moments, but it surely’s essential if you wish to preserve a healthy relationship together with your boyfriend.
The neatest thing you are able to do is attempt to keep away from any state of affairs the place you understand she’ll be current. And for those who can’t keep away from it, take a deep breath and attempt to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
This will provide help to keep calm and picked up, even when she’s round.
Act confidently and keep resilient
No matter how arduous the state of affairs may appear, all the time bear in mind to maintain your self.
This begins with self-care and self-love.
Maintaining a degree of confidence and resilience can even provide help to get by way of robust instances. These qualities will turn out to be useful once you’re feeling insecure or when your partner’s ex-wife is round.
Remember that you just’re not accountable for their emotional state. What you possibly can solely management is the way you react to the state of affairs.
14. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy
It’s no secret that having a healthy emotional and religious life is essential for a superb relationship. After all, these facets of our lives hold us from falling into negative cycles that may be troublesome to interrupt free from.
Unfortunately, many people don’t take the time to concentrate on our emotional and religious health till it’s too late.
Consider some actions that you just and your boyfriend can do to enhance your emotional and religious health. This may be something from going to remedy or counseling collectively to studying self-help books or attending a help group.
You may additionally strive meditating, training yoga, or occurring nature walks. Doing things that make you’re feeling good on a deeper degree will provide help to address the stress of getting a partner who’s nonetheless hung up on his ex-wife.
15. Stay constructive and eager for the longer term
Staying positive is a good way to strategy life. And it may very well be a problem in case your romantic relationship isn’t going as deliberate.
But in order for you your relationship to enhance, it’s essential to maintain a constructive outlook. This means staying eager for the longer term and believing that your boyfriend will finally recover from his ex-wife.
It may not be straightforward, however attempt to focus on the good moments in your relationship. This may help you keep constructive when things are robust.
Remember that you just’re not alone on this. Many people have gone by way of related conditions and are available out the opposite side stronger and extra in love than ever earlier than.
With time, endurance, and a complete lot of self-love, you will get by way of this, too.
Does your relationship stand an opportunity in case your boyfriend’s nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife?
Of course. But it’s going to take some work. Although it is perhaps troublesome, you possibly can take care of your partner who’s nonetheless emotionally attached to his ex-wife.
Here’s why: you’re stronger than you assume. You’re able to dealing with this example with grace and endurance. And you’re not alone.
So take the time to concentrate on your self and your wants. While it looks as if your partner’s ex-wife is the middle of his world proper now, that doesn’t should be the case perpetually.
With somewhat effort and time, you will get by way of this robust time to make your relationship work and are available out stronger than ever.
It’s a matter of fact and time
If you’re dating somebody who’s emotionally attached to his ex-wife, it may be robust to take care of. But it’s essential to have open communication together with your boyfriend so that you just each can work out a approach ahead collectively.
Obviously, this course of isn’t going to occur in a single day, so be ready for it to take a while. While it’s best to concentrate on rebuilding your individual life, attempt to be understanding and affected person with him.
Communication, compromise, and forgiveness can be key in serving to him heal.
Give him the braveness to be your hero
Being in a critical relationship with a brand new love is a tremendous feeling. But when your partner remains to be emotionally attached to his ex-wife, it could put a damper on things.
You would possibly really feel such as you’re taking part in second fiddle in his life or such as you’ll by no means be capable of compete together with her. These doubts and insecurities are regular, however they’re additionally essential to speak about together with your partner.
If you’re feeling uncared for or such as you’re not a precedence, inform him how you’re feeling. Remember, males have this primal intuition to be a hero to their companions. And if he’s keen to work on things, he’ll rise to the event.
So give him the possibility to be your hero and assist him transfer on from his ex-wife for good.