Approx eight years ago, I married a young woman who rocked my world.
I would never meet someone like him. After a few years, I can say that this is still true. The problem is that our marriage has gone from being physically and emotionally significant to cheating.
We are well on our way! But honestly, we feel more like old friends than married couples, which is starting to bother me.
Here’s some advice for anyone in a similar situation.
It came from my wife and I taking each other for granted and putting our romantic life on the back burner.
This was mainly due to being too used to each other.
Several subtle and undeniable signs indicate that your relationship is just a friendship and nothing more. There are several reasons why this happens.
But don’t worry; there are ways to fix the situation you may find yourself in. Plus, it’s always best to be aware of these symptoms so you can work on them at an early stage!
What should you do if you and your spouse are struggling with similar issues?
1. Don’t panic!
I know couples who break up when they start to feel more like friends.
They rushed to the exit doors and now regretted it badly.
They were sure that they were deprived of love, but it turned out that this marriage itself was simply a feeling of disappointment. They were still very much in love with their spouse; they weren’t in love with the wedding itself.
I’ll explain what I mean here, but first, please don’t panic if your marriage feels like a friendly sneeze with a college friend.
It’s not necessarily the end of the line, and the romantic fire can be the start of a beautiful rekindling.
2. Wet your throat…
Okay, now I realize that sounds dirty and sexy.
I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. Though…
If you want to address this ennui plaguing your marriage, you must talk a little.
It doesn’t have to be cold and clinical, it doesn’t have to be in couples counseling, and it doesn’t have to be full of psychological jargon.
But in the end, it will be necessary to speak.
My wife and I realized that we had had difficulty talking for about five years.
It was as if we were waking up from a lazy dream. After a few too many drinks at our friend’s place on Friday, I looked her in the eye and said, “honestly, I feel kind of weird about the whole thing.”
He was shocked, but I knew he felt it too.
3. Fix your marriage
My wife started completely transparent communication, and I returned to being “more than friends.”
It’s different for every couple.
But if you’ve been friends more than friends, there’s something wrong with your marriage.
I’m not saying this in a judgmental way, just as someone who has experienced it himself.
I highly recommend you check out a strategy that has helped my wife and me. This course is called Mend the Marriage.
Celebrity relationship expert Brad Browning led it.
If you’re reading this article about how to save your marriage alone, chances are your wedding isn’t what it used to be…
And maybe it’s so bad that you feel like your world is falling apart. It’s not always two-way. Your wife or husband may not be interested in doing anything about the problem.
You feel that all passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you, and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other (or ignoring each other).
And maybe you think that no matter how hard you try, there is almost nothing you can do to save your family.
But you’re mistaken.
You can save your marriage with just ONE effort.
If you think your marriage is worth fighting for, do yourself a favor and check out this quick video from Browning. This video will teach you everything you need to know about saving the world’s most important thing:
You’ll learn the three critical mistakes most couples make that tear their marriages apart. Most teams will never learn to overcome these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn Browning’s proven “Marriage Rescue” method, which is simple and incredibly effective.
4. Increase the heat in the bedroom
One thing most dudes don’t do is hot sex. I know this isn’t always the case, and the phenomenon of “goodbye friends” is rising.
However, my point is that if you want to get the vibes from your friends back to your lovers, you better start doing some loving things. Turn off the heat in the bedroom. Apply in any way for both of you.
Does that mean sex toys, inviting a third party, opening a relationship, engaging in roleplaying, exploring BDSM, or doing sex shows on webcams for people to watch online?
You say. My wife and I are pretty modest, but he has a few fetishes. I would never have guessed that I’m entirely blacked out all day when I’m away from him.
If you notice that physical desire is wholly gone, start slowly.
As mentioned earlier, the spark and passion between two people can fade over time, but if the emotional and physical intimacy is gone, the relationship feels like friendship.
Don’t pressure him. Sometimes there is an impression that none of you wants to be intimate or make love.
There are situations where physical issues and things like erectile dysfunction can also come into play. Go easy on yourself and take it slowly together.
5. Hit the road (together)
A vast game-changing trip for my wife and me.
And when I say actual travel, I don’t just head to a resort for a week (although we did).
We have an RV and took some amazing trips together last year through wine country.
It’s a passion we both share. We went to so many tastings that I lost track within a few days. Luckily, we took turns being the designated driver.
The romance began to blossom under new conditions, especially when we parked the RV and rented an Airbnb with fantastic hiking trails in the foothills of some beautiful mountains and a quaint little town nearby.
It’s like we’re reliving the early days of our marriage all over again. Those “friend” feelings started to fade, and our hands naturally returned like in the old days.
Relationship expert Rachael Pace advises: “Traveling is a big deal for everyone.
It’s especially great for couples struggling to rekindle the romance in their relationships.”
6. Get over it
There are things about my wife that make me fall away in my charms, and vice versa.
After we lightly opened up to each other, we began to take steps to change this.
He did not like:
- That I stopped exercising and overate junk food
- I rarely open up about how I feel
- Like a job or a boring hobby because I’m having sex
- Because I was addicted to my career frustrations and treated it like a career counselor.
I did not like:
- My wife constantly complains about finances
- That his weight has dropped in the last few years
- It looks like he’s not having sex anymore
By acknowledging what each other said and ensuring we understood it, we regained our trust and got away from the friend vibe.
After all, a friend doesn’t tell a friend that they are bored in bed.
You can win back your partner’s charm and confidence by showing that you can change.
Watch this quick video now if you want a little help with what to say.
Accounting expert Brad Browning explains what you can do in this situation. Steps you can take (starting today) to save your marriage.
7. Don’t use children as an excuse
How wonderful it is to be a dedicated parent! My wife and I have a little son. He loves us very much.
He is undoubtedly a handful!
But there may be times when children become an excuse for laziness in your marriage.
No doubt being a parent requires a lot of focus and energy. But that doesn’t give you a ticket to ignore your spouse or trample on the romantic side of your marriage.
It is possible to give total commitment to your children and share parenting duties while keeping a free moment from time to time to kiss or reward your significant other.
Your children need love, care, and attention. But seeing their parents happy and loving is their best gift.
8. Tell the hard truths
As I said before, the key is for both of you to be open about the things in your marriage that no longer turn on your faucet.
It’s not always easy. As I said, I told my wife she was getting a little fat.
I never thought I’d say this to any woman, much less the vow I made eight years ago.
He also told me that I was a dull lover and that I was too busy with work stress.
Admittedly, my first reaction was to dismiss, deny, or take it back.
But I was taking the criticism and trying to make the most of it. A lot of maturity in marriage comes from being able to hear harsh criticism and not be horrified by it.
I’m not perfect. My wife can be nasty at times.
But we are both growing a lot. Telling each other these hard truths helps us restore the ideological foundation of our relationship.
We’re still polite and don’t hurt each other’s feelings for fun or anything. But we also speak our minds and respect each other enough to tell the hard truths we usually like.
9. Do more romantic things together
As my wife and I said, the trip was boring for my wife.
More romantic pursuits are generally something I can highly recommend.
This can be anything from a ski trip and a stay in a cozy chalet to a yoga class.
I never thought I would do yoga. But going to those classes with my wife reintroduced me to my health and wellness.
Plus, seeing her in those yoga legs has taken care of any hesitation she’s had in the bedroom lately.
Whatever romance you do, make sure it’s something you both love and decide to do together.
10. Call the Pros
There is no shame in getting help. I used to think that relationship psychologists and counselors were full of bunk… to put it politely.
They sit you down and act holier-than-thou and ignore you and your partner about how messed up your relationship is.
But in recent years, I have changed my mind a bit.
Let me be clear:
I still think there are a lot of scammers out there preying on people’s problems.
Some very legit and helpful individuals know what they are talking about and have solutions for stuck relationships and marriages.
While this article explores some of the main things you can do if your marriage feels like a friendship, it may help to talk to each other about your situation.
Get specific advice for your life and experiences with a professional relationship coach…
A note to best friends getting married
My wife and I got married after a romantic and steamy relationship. We were madly in love. But I have friends who married their best friends. Now they feel lost and like they got the short end of the stick.
Sex feels strange to them, and they see their relationship as a friendly companionship rather than a romantic affair.
I realize this may be controversial to say. But if you’re married to your best friend and you’re boring, your situation may be unshakable.
Of course, you still have to work through these issues and try to find out if there is a romantic essence in there somewhere.
But if the relationship has always been more platonic, there may be nowhere else to take it.
True romance is…
A little dangerous… Unpredictable… Mysterious… Overlapping…
If you have chosen a marriage with more friendship from the beginning, this is your choice. But that sometimes means that they’d always be if they weren’t used to being a romantic spark.
Rekindle the flame
Rekindling the flame of marriage seems like an impossible task.
But this is not so.
My wife and I are doing better than ever. Although we are far from perfect, I could never have foreseen how good we were a year ago.
On my way back, I found myself sitting alone on the bed, feeling so frustrated that I almost passed out.
I felt alone that my wife didn’t care…
It’s hard to save a relationship when you’re just trying, but that doesn’t always mean your relationship should be called off.
Because if you still love your spouse, in reality, you need to attack to fix your family.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage: long distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not appropriately addressed, these issues can metamorphose into infidelity and disconnection.
Whenever someone asks me for advice on saving failed marriages, I recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
When it comes to saving marriages, Brad is the real deal. He is a best-selling author and shares valuable advice on his popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are compelling and may be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce.”