How can you understand him if he behaves to be straight?
If you’re a woman, you’ve seen things in your boyfriend that might have led him to believe he’s gay or interested in men. Sexuality is very complex and sensitive, and many inaccurate stereotypes exist that do not truly reflect a person’s sexual orientation.
You can’t know for sure unless he tells you, but noting possible signs can make it easier to start a conversation. Read on for a comprehensive list of potential signs that your boyfriend might be gay.
The good news is that your boyfriend or husband is not gay. It is common for a woman to question her man’s sexuality for reasons that do not concern his preferences. This could be your situation!
On the other hand, your boyfriend or husband might be gay.
But how to do it? How do you separate the real signs that your boyfriend is gay from the red herrings?
Below I will detail some false “signs” of same-sex attraction and some signs that could actually mean your boyfriend is into other men. But first, let’s go over some facts about this topic.
You are not alone
Many women worry that their boyfriends or husbands are gay. In Everybody Lies Big Data, New Data. What the Internet Can Tell Us About We Are, authored by former Google data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, search results show that women worry more about this than their husbands cheating on them. So you’re not alone in wondering if you and your lover are admiring the same view on the beach!
What is sexual orientation? (or, what does it mean to be gay?)
A person’s sexual orientation is nothing more than the tendency to be physically attracted to males, females, or neither. During this time, it can be fixed or sometimes fluid. This is indeed the case. There is nothing else. There are many stereotypes surrounding homosexuals, but it boils down to their same-sex attraction.
Furthermore, although mainstream society tends to paint attraction as “black and white” and something that never changes (i.e., once you’re gay, you’re always gay; any same-sex attraction means you’re gay, etc.), the reality it’s that life isn’t that simple.
Even having sex with other men does not mean a man is gay. In one study, the number of people who had sex with people of the same sex was twice as high as the number of people who identified themselves as homosexual or bisexual. Many people experiment, and it doesn’t make sense.
“Even having sex with other men does not mean that a man is homosexual.”
To make things even more complicated, you can have a mix of same-sex attraction in terms of physical and emotional intimacy. For example, I’ve met some guys. They attracted women both romantically and physically. But they attracted men only physically. No romance was involved. It is different. Each individual is a minefield of random quirks and desires.
So what does it all mean? This means that your boyfriend or husband may have homosexual thoughts or feelings or be physically involved with other men.
He may still not consider himself to have a “gay” orientation. Most people do not consider themselves gay unless most of their emotional and physical attractions are directed toward the same sex.
Stuff guys do that doesn’t mean they’re gay
Human desire is inexhaustible and inexhaustible. And the worst part is that our culture has tons of stereotypes about how gay or straight guys should act, and of course, these stereotypes don’t apply to all (or even most) people. It doesn’t mean your man is gay, but you might think:
- He wants to put everything in the “back door.” Many men, even straight men, enjoy it (although few admit it), so there’s no need to panic. If anything, be flattered that he’s comfortable enough to try new things with him. Also, it’s a common misconception that all gay men are into this kind of thing or that the act is innately gay. Many gay guys don’t do it at all. It’s all about individual preference.
- He wants to set spicy in the bedroom. Maybe he still wants to add some excitement to your sex life. This is normal, especially if you have been together for years.
- He had sex with men. I know, I know! But bear with me here. It’s hard for most people to believe, but getting it on with a man doesn’t necessarily mean the guy is gay. While most straight men will never have sex with another man, a small percentage will for various reasons. For example, it’s usually easier to get anonymous “likes” from men than women. Additionally, some people have grudges associated with same-sex encounters but are not naturally attracted to the same sex. That said, if he’s getting physical with other men (or anyone else) without your knowledge, then clearly something is wrong.
- They are effeminate or interested in one’s appearance. It’s just a stereotype. Although homosexual stereotypes may have some kernel of truth, they are still not a good, consistent indicator of someone’s romantic preferences. Being “gay” means a guy is mainly attracted to other men. It has nothing to do with appearance, manners, and fashion choices. Unfortunately, Western culture tends to stereotype gay men as effeminate and preoccupied with image, but in reality, most are not. (These are the ones you focus on.) Also, I know quite a few effeminate straight men. You really can’t just report mannerisms.
So here are some reasons why you might think your boyfriend is gay, even if he isn’t.
Signs to watch out for if you think your boyfriend or husband is gay
Perhaps your lover has a different sexual orientation or has developed it over time. What are the signs that your boyriend might prefer men? Let’s take a look at some of these now.
1. He doesn’t check out other women
At first, you might think it’s great if your boyfriend doesn’t have an eye for other women. But this is highly unusual.
Most men often think about sex and unconsciously look at attractive people. It’s not even intentional most of the time – it’s just a reflex. If a beautiful woman with a shelf she can use as a frame walks around in skimpy clothes and your boyfriend just yawns and doesn’t even notice her, that could be a red flag that he’s not into women.
Most gay men will also have a “record of youth,” meaning a time in the past when they were attracted to good-looking men. Actual, youth was never reported, or rarely.
2. He often checks out other men
Usually, if a guy has a closet, it’s not clear about it. Even openly gay men know better than to ogle men in public, given the negative social consequences of doing so.
If you are a guy who is interested in other guys, a little “look” is enough. The next time you are with your man, pay attention to this look if an attractive man walks by. Please pay attention to where his eyes are pointing. Did a shirtless guy walk by and quickly look up and down the guy’s sixties? Had he stolen his crotch?
Another thing to watch out for is eye contact. Like you can look at a man you like, and there is a brief energy exchange between you and him. The same goes for a gay (or bi) guy in a relationship with a man he likes, even if only briefly. Did he come face to face with another man, and did it take a little longer?
Men in Western countries, such as North America and Europe, will usually not make prolonged eye contact with other men unless they are about to fight or get it (or both).
According to Joe Court, a psychotherapist specializing in gender and sexuality, the beach test is usually an excellent way to schedule this test. Are women on the beach just on the road trying to see other men? That’s what gay men generally think. A man with bi looks at both men and women. A straight man doesn’t notice men at all.
3. He is comfortable being physical with men
For straight men, touching, holding hands, and other borderline things are a “big no” unless they feel extreme emotions. If you notice that your man is very comfortable or sensitive with his best friend, male co-worker, or other men, he may have male tendencies.
But it can also be possible between best friends. So try to read between the lines. But it can also be possible between best friends. So try to read between the lines.
4. Sexuality is essential to him, big time
It doesn’t matter who is gay, bisexual, or straight for people empowered by their sexuality. But it’s a sign if your boyfriend asks many questions about other people’s sexuality.
If he asks sometimes, it’s not a big deal. But if this topic comes up frequently when the two of you are with other people, it’s weird and could be one of the signs that your boyfriend is gay or bisexual.
5. He is homophobic or uncomfortable around gay men
One of the most prominent tell-tale signs that your boyfriend is insecure about his sexuality is if he shows exceptional levels of homophobia.
Most straight men have no problem with gay men. But if your girlfriend actively hates gay men, even if they’ve never done anything to her and never talked to her, then that’s extremely telling. You’ve probably heard many stories about anti-gay preachers. It later turned out that they were trolling gay hookup sites.
A man who hates that he likes other men will often take it out on homosexuals and mistreat them. At the very least, it is not unusual for a guy who denies his sexuality to be afraid of coming into contact with people who live freely with his homosexuality.
Next time you’re around gay men, keep a close eye on her. Does it act strangely?
“Homophobia is one of the biggest signs that your boyfriend or husband is questioning his sexuality.”
6. He is obsessed with other people’s sexuality
Maybe he’s not homophobic, but do his ears perk up when you mention one of your friends is gay? Does he ask a lot of questions about them? Is he interested in how they deal with his parents or how others feel about it?
Likewise, does it have much to do with people having sex? Does he talk about how this or that person at work is gay? Does the name many gay family members?
He may be interested because he is gay or bisexual, but he may not know it yet or can’t express it.
Of course, if he only talks about these things occasionally, he might be an exciting guy. People like to gossip about other people’s sexuality. It would be unusual for a straight man if he had any desire or thought about homosexual sex.
On the other hand, some closeted men don’t bring up homosexual topics for fear of being “revealed.” Therefore, one must not exhibit this sign to be gay.
7. He is secretive about his friends
Haven’t you met many of his friends? Maybe it’s because if you met them, you’d be suspicious. If he doesn’t bring his friends, or if you haven’t met any of his friends, we’ll ask why. In this case, knowing how to tell if a guy is gay often comes down to what he’s hiding from you.
Of course, it gets even more difficult when you’re looking for signs that your boyfriend is gay or bisexual because he’s not just interested in men.
8. He’s not that interested in sex with you
This means several things. First, your boyfriend may be asexual or no longer attracted to you for various reasons. People change, and their tastes change. He ignores you temporarily or distracts himself from other things. This does not mean that he has made you uninterested.
But if he never seemed to touch you, even at the beginning of your relationship when you should be in the honeymoon period, something is probably wrong. This sign alone does not mean that he is homosexual, but it can be said in conjunction with some other characters.
Also, remember that the absence of this sign does not mean that it is not always included in men. In other words, he may be predominantly homosexual but enjoy sex with women to some extent—or he may be bisexual (but more on that later).
Perhaps these relationships die due to many other factors—such as relationship problems, work schedules, boredom, etc. In fact, not having enough sex is a common complaint of many women in straight relationships, and by itself, it probably doesn’t mean he’s gay.
9. He gives a lot of gifts to her male friends
He buys expensive gifts for several of his guy friends. You might assume it’s because of their bond, but if he’s always buying small luxuries for a cute, handsome male friend, your man is hitting on him. After all, gay men need to attract their lovers too.
If so, it could signify that your boyfriend is gay and not being honest with you – or maybe himself.
10. His social media connections are suspicious
You don’t know what he does online. Maybe he has an account on a gay dating site. Yes, this is a perfect sign that he is gay. Perhaps she has a lot of different men in her social network, many of whom are mutual friends.
No one has a lot of men on their social networks or joins a gay dating site just out of harmless curiosity. Again, you are looking at one of the signs that your boyfriend is gay or bisexual.
Finally, and worst of all, if you find out he has a profile on a gay dating site, it’s a glaring, giant neon sign.
That seals the deal. No man should join a gay dating app or site “just for fun.” Frisky is looking for another person to buy.
“No man should join a gay dating app or site ‘just for fun'”.
So how do you find out if he is on a gay dating site?
You can make your fake profile and search for him there, or ask your gay friends if they’ve seen him. But if you can, avoid providing your lover with catfish. Paranoia will drive you crazy. If it gets to this point, maybe you want to talk to him about what you’ve discovered so far.
Even more important than the gay thing, if you’ve found him on a dating site, he’s secretly looking to hook up with someone else. Being with a man is secondary. He is ashamed of your faith,
Everyone has different relationship expectations and boundaries. So, where you draw the line on what constitutes “cheating” depends on what you both establish.
The fact is that many men do not consider it a betrayal to have sex with other men if they are in a heterosexual relationship, and (therefore) they will not have to say anything of their own. “Doesn’t count,” basically. Of course, you may have other feelings.
You won’t know until you ask.
No matter how much research you do, you won’t know for sure until you talk to your boyfriend (assuming he’s telling the truth). Even most “evidence” of human sexuality can be explained differently due to cultural biases. Therefore, it will be necessary to clean it with him.
The sooner you talk to your boyfriend about this, the better. This will help you distinguish between reality and the stories your mind may be making up.
Better to know than to keep wasting your time
While it may seem like the end of the world for your boyfriend to admit he’s gay or bisexual, it isn’t. You might feel confused for a while as if your whole world has been turned upside down, and you’ll probably be a little hurt if you see her romantically involved with a guy. Don’t worry; these feelings will pass.
After a few months, as with all breakups, you’ll get over the pain and be able to look back fondly on the good times rather than the bitter end. In the end, you’ll be thankful he let you go because now you can find someone who will adore you.
He might not be gay, but he might be Bi.
Maybe you’ve concluded that your boyfriend is gay or at least likes men. This makes no sense:
- That doesn’t mean you’re right. Still, it’s impossible to know the exact specifics of someone else’s sexuality.
- Even this person himself does not know this. He’s probably right because most men are.
- It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
- That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like women. (See below on bisexual boys.)
- This does not mean that he is the wrong person. There is still a massive stigma against being gay. Maybe he doesn’t dare to come out; he even denies it. It is possible that he was unaware of his same-sex feelings when he entered into a relationship with you.
Bisexual Men: The Silent Minority
Your boyfriend may be bisexual. Many people reject this idea and assume that any man who likes other men must be gay, but this is not true. Many men are bisexual. They don’t accept it any less than women—for obvious reasons.
If you’re not bothered by her being bi (and he’s not cheating), then there’s probably no reason to confront her about it unless you’re willing to embarrass her. We all have random sexual preferences. If you think these benefits start and end with you, you’re probably dreaming. His attraction to men and women is no different from his attraction to blondes and redheads. As long as he stays true to you, what does it matter?
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”
Then again, maybe he’s gay.
Finding out your boyfriend is gay or lying about his sexual orientation can be damaging. So, when you discover these signs in your partner, you may be in a state of emotional turmoil and worry.
On the other hand, if you’ve done all your research and that little voice inside your head is telling you that he’s 100% gay and not interested in you sexually, then it’s time to confront him.
Nobody likes to live a lie.
Approach it in a non-judgmental way. You are more likely to extract the truth from it. Also, remember that if he’s gay and in a relationship with you (a woman), it’s no walk in the park for him.
Most likely, he was not trying to deceive you on purpose. There are many reasons why he didn’t tell you. Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt you, or he’s not ready to face the consequences of coming out yet. Perhaps he doesn’t know for sure if he is gay or not.
You may be upset, but remember that this person is interesting to you. If he struggles with his sexuality, it’s not his fault. He could probably use your support as a friend.
Of course, if you bring him up and he’s in complete denial about it but continues to see glaring signs, it may be time to revamp the relationship.