I’m 25-years-old with nearly 3 failed relationships in my file and never one in all my ex-boyfriends is at the moment nonetheless associates with me.
Of course, that isn’t how any of us supposed issues to end up, contemplating quickly after each break-up the one factor we needed was to remain associates. It was solely later that I realised the way it was a slippery slope, one I couldn’t build the muse of friendship upon.
However, that was clearly not the case for lots of different individuals I do know who proceed to be tight with their ex-lovers, hanging out with them as if nothing occurred. Up till now, I believed they have been extra advanced and mature than me.
But it seems, that the trait driving one in direction of being associates with their ex is way darker, for a study declares it to be ‘borderline narcissistic and psychopathic’ behaviour.
Both psychopathic and narcissistic behaviours stem from a sure character and a dysfunction that makes it tough for an individual to expertise empathy, love and even regret.
Keeping that in thoughts, a examine primarily based on the analysis performed at Oakland University proved that solely somebody who has “dark personality traits” reminiscent of ‘narcissism, sadism, psychopathy or Machiavellianism, can stay associates with their ex…
A press release that has immediately put numerous our ideas into perspective, making us really feel a tad bit too uncomfortable.
Almost 861 individuals have been studied for this research, together with their romantic histories. And no factors for guessing how all those that have been depicted to have a set of darker character traits have been additionally those proposing to be associates with their previous lovers.
Here is why that’s:
1. ‘Strategic’ Relationship
Experts say that psychopaths usually make use of what known as the ‘false charm’, to have the ability to reap advantages from a relationship lengthy after it’s over.
This might embrace protecting their ex round for both intercourse, money and even info.
2. ‘Purely Self-Motivated’ Actions
Since there’s a lack of empathy and regret, these with such character traits don’t look after a lot apart from their very own egocentric pursuits.
The examine says their actions are “purely self-motivated”, very like that of a narcissist/psychopath who might ‘not be thinking of the emotional impact of it on the other person’, based on psychologist Dr Paulette Sherman.
3. ‘Sense Of Power/Control’
It can also be noticed that narcissists hate to fail or lose and are poor at dealing with rejection.
So, in circumstances the place they weren’t those to finish issues, they’d wish to keep that line of connection between you and them, simply to have the ability to have some management over you as a result of for them, letting go will not be an choice.
Of course, this does not must be the case with each ex-couple that decides to be associates after issues not understanding, contemplating some individuals keep in contact solely out of respect for the love they as soon as shared.
But for all of the others, who discover their earlier companions lurking round and being slightly too intelligent or charming, likelihood is you might have in your palms a budding psychopath!