(*12*)I really feel like this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey is a bit like the parable of Sisyphus, however as a substitute of a boulder, it’s an enormous meatball that’s being repeatedly rolled up the identical hill, and after it comes rolling again down over our lifeless our bodies, on the backside of the hill we’re then overwhelmed by ten lifeless horses. Seriously, I’d say this was Groundhog Day, however finally Bill Murray will get to make out with Andie MacDowell and go about the remaining of his life, whereas the remaining of us are nonetheless caught right here speaking about Dolores’s relationship, Margaret’s guide, and Joe and Melissa’s marital strife.
(*11*)The best of all of the disappointments, nevertheless, is the rollout of Teresa’s new boyfriend Luis (or Louie, for the colonizers of the thoughts). The first stories of him within the tabloids have been about six months in the past and nonetheless we simply discovered his identify on the present a number of episodes in the past. This episode is titled “Teresa’s Mystery Man” however we nonetheless don’t even get to satisfy the man. The episode ends with a giant fats “To Be Continued” as he knocks on her entrance door, with the Pegasus wings frozen in carbonite. What is the continuation? That we’re going to see his face? Dude, I’ve seen his face. Here’s his Instagram. Here’s his shirtless pic. Here’s his “Page Six” story about how his ex-girlfriend is suing him. Yeah, I’m good with all this freaking suspense.
Why is that this so drawn out? If the reveal of Teresa’s new boyfriend have been measured in Fruit by the Foot, you would want about 69 million of them, so it will truly be measured in Fruit by the Mile. It’s all simply so annoying, it’s sufficient to make me need to drown myself in a vat of Gushers.
So we study nothing new about Teresa’s relationship, although she does speak to her brother Joe whereas cleansing out her storage, which is admittedly simply full of Amazon packing containers. Hashtag Relatable, sure, however can’t Teresa break down her personal packing containers and put them out with the recycling? She wants her brother for this? There are some very curious issues in that storage, although, together with two human-sized wood nutcrackers that seem like they belong in Rockefeller Plaza. Or possibly these aren’t decorations, they’re actual troopers who have been frozen in the identical substance because the Pegasus wings. Also in that storage of horrors — which doesn’t have a concrete flooring however fairly paving stones, which a lot have price them (and by “them,” I imply the financial institution they stole the money from) — is a human-sized spider that appears just like the factor that assaults Frodo on the finish of Fellowship of the Ring. Does Peter Jackson know that Teresa has this? And why is Tre nonetheless holding on to a Big Wheel that’s clearly solely sufficiently big for a 5-year-old? Sentimental worth? Too lazy to throw it out? Because Milania wants it for a photograph shoot?
We study nothing new about Margaret and her guide, however this episode we do see her do the photograph shoot for the cover (and the again cover that includes Marge Sr.). What we do study is that Joe Benigno is popping 65. He is 65?! Is he utilizing Tru Renewal by Ramona, as a result of there isn’t any one within the Bravosphere that appears nearly as good as him. He may cross as one of Andy Cohen’s classmates (and everyone knows that Andy moisturizes with the seed of twinks) when he’s actually bought ten years on the man.
We study nothing new about Melissa and Joe’s continued struggle about whether or not Melissa ought to get to work outdoors of the house, and we actually don’t study why Joe seems so rattling purple each time he’s on-camera. We additionally don’t study whether or not he had some fillers, however he’s trying slightly plumper within the face area, significantly round his lips. Maybe that’s simply COVID bloat? I don’t know.
We do study that Joe has a kidney stone and Melissa has to skip Jackie’s journey to go apple choosing for her birthday to take Joe to the hospital, the place he’s cared for by David Catania, which is what Dolores’s boyfriend David shall be often called when he lastly marries Frank. (He’s additionally a former city councilman in Washington, D.C.) Guys, I’ve had two kidney stones they usually have been completely horrible. It’s like Donkey Kong is driving a nail into your facet utilizing a GMC pickup truck. It hurts so dangerous that it made me throw up repeatedly. Even worse, the ache is strain in your decrease again, so it feels such as you’re going to shit your self and throw up on the identical time. I completely get why Joe was sitting on the bathroom passing it, as a result of he in all probability thought he was going to have a quantity three.
We study nothing new about Dolores’s relationship with David or how upset she is that everybody says he purchased her a Porsche so he didn’t have to purchase her a hoop. What we do study is that Jackie and Jennifer truly agree on one thing! They each suppose that they didn’t see Dolores transition from eager to get married to not needing it and that’s the reason they have been confused in regards to the present. They additionally agree that they need to ensure that Dolores isn’t altering what she wants from David simply to maintain him blissful and isn’t sacrificing herself. Dolores says she’s blissful not being married and hasn’t sacrificed herself, so they appear blissful. But it’s loopy that these two, who’re often like Mentos and Diet Coke, are literally seeing eye to eye on one thing.
We additionally study, as if we didn’t comprehend it already, that David can be a mensch, or no matter it’s that Italians would name a mensch. As quickly as Dolor (as Frank at all times bellows) finds out that Joe must go to the hospital, she sends them to Paterson in order that David may also help them out. We see David drawing a diagram of what kidney stones are on Joe’s hospital mattress and ensuring that he’s taken care of. Melissa even says that he referred to as her repeatedly to test in on her. When it’s Frankie and the Daughter’s joint-birthday celebration, David reveals up and has custom-made muffins for each of them that he bought totally free as a result of he delivered the bakery proprietor’s children. David is an actual class act and, as Dolores says, reveals up for her when she actually wants him to be there. Shouldn’t all of her mates simply be blissful that she’s with a man who treats everybody so effectively however isn’t round as a lot, as a substitute of some asshole who’s at each single occasion and treats her like shit? I believe I additionally discovered that Dolores could be my favourite lady on the present.
As for Jennifer, we don’t study something new about her dad and mom’ struggle with one another, however I’m okay with that as a result of I’m completely fascinated by this dynamic. Finally Jennifer’s empty home bought some rattling furnishings, even when it does make the place seem like a high-end dermatologist’s office. She calls her mom to return have a look at it and her mom doesn’t need to speak to her. She thinks that Jennifer embarrassed her on objective by speaking about her dad and mom’ relationship with the remaining of the ladies and their moms. She says that Jennifer made a idiot out of her when she was making an attempt to do the precise reverse and help her. You know the dialog bought heated as a result of it was in Turkish!
Jennifer later tells the women that she thinks she and her mom may not be speaking for some time, which could be very unhappy. But within the second, she asks her father, who’s sitting there getting slightly chubby from his Betty Boop espresso mug, what she ought to do about her mom. “Ignore it,” he says. “That’s it.” But that’s simply what bought them to this place: Jennifer’s father ignoring her mom’s emotions for many years each time she expressed herself. I’m not saying her mom is true, however a minimum of Jennifer is listening; she’s on the opposite finish of the cellphone, she’s making an attempt to bridge the hole between them, between her dad and mom, between the outdated nation and new, between the previous and the current, between her empty home with its high-backed thrones and all-white filigreed furnishings that appears prefer it’s from a baby’s dollhouse and a full home with comfy conforming sectional sofas that price far more than they need to. It’s like she’s making an attempt to bridge the hole between realizing and never realizing, however then she’s within the fallacious place, as a result of there isn’t any studying occurring right here.