As men age, they go through changes that they look for, especially in a woman.
A 20-year-old boy is not looking for the same things as a 65-year-old man.
In early middle age, a man’s taste generally begins to mature, and the criteria he looks for in a woman changes from a young age.
As a 44 man myself, I know this well. What I’m looking for now is very different from when I was 30-20.
Ten qualities that men in their 40s want in a woman
1. Consistency and clear communication
As a 44-year-old man, I can say that the top qualities men in their 40s want in a woman revolve around trust.
Some disappointments and heartaches in the past have made me very hesitant to get too close to a woman romantically again.
Now in middle age, I’m willing to take calculated risks, but I’m not interested in being with a woman who plays games, has crazy ups and downs, or strings me along in various manipulative ways.
I want a lover and companion who does what she says and does what she does.
I want a woman who communicates clearly with me and values the same behavior from me in return.
Finding it is more complicated than you might imagine.
2. Passion and physical spark
I may be 40, but I’m not all dry and wrinkled yet. I also give big back rubs.
Before I let this article start sounding too much like a personal ad, I want to say that passion and physical spark are essential to me.
I am no more Pict than a woman. But I would like to have a physical spark.
Maybe we don’t tear each other’s clothes off and squirm like bunnies every second. Physical contact is not my main goal. But it matters little to me.
For this reason, I tend to avoid those just looking for a cute older guy with a dad bod. But I also avoid more sailor, settled women. If a man touches them, the spider crawls over them.
I’m looking for physical fire, not just emotional and intellectual chemistry.
3. Compatibility and shared values
I was mainly looking for a good time in my 20s. Although it was serious a few times in my 30s, it never went anywhere.
One of the reasons is that I don’t pay enough attention to shared values.
I was too busy thinking about what was in my pants if I’m honest.
A big part of waking up to what I’m looking for and living up to my standards has been paying more attention to my track record.
There’s a reason past relationships fail, and it’s usually not big dramatic fights, cheating, or anything like that.
It is simply a lack of shared values and compatibility.
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you hit a wall and don’t know what to do next.
I know I was always skeptical of outside help until I tried it.
Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for non-chat-only love coaches. They have seen it all. They know everything about how to deal with difficult situations, like dealing with high expectations in love.
I tried them last year, but I had a hard time finding one
I searched in the 40s.
They managed to cut through the noise and give me real solutions to end so much perfection while staying true to what I was looking for.
My trainer was kind; they took the time to understand my unique situation and gave helpful advice from the heart.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation.
4. Caring attitude and closeness
I’ve been with a few women who didn’t treat me well. They weren’t that bad. But basically, they treated me coldly.
Rare moments of intimacy and intimacy made me extremely needy and codependent in a way I never liked their approval.
Of course, I am looking for a caring and intimate woman. One that I’m forced to hug or feel weird caring about now and then while watching a movie.
I’m looking for a woman who is comfortable with her feminine side in the classic sense, mastering the ability to be gentle, warm, and loving.
Of course, he can do a complex current by all means, which I love.
But I’m not looking for someone so polished that he rarely smiles or hugs me while checking his phone.
He was there; he did that. I was looking for more!
5. Conversational and emotional chemistry
A while ago, I touched on my desire for physical intimacy and a woman who could keep up with my car.
I want a hot horse to trot and talk like that.
Emotional and conversational chemistry is also essential and becomes an important quality that men in their 40s want in a woman.
I’ve been in relationships in almost all physical places. They had fun for about a week and honestly felt empty.
To find a relationship with both physical and emotional chemistry.
I would also love to have interesting conversations, a shared sense of humor, and a lady I genuinely love being around and don’t miss.
Old age worries me. Ready to upgrade to something tangible?
6. Mind and intellectual connection
Emotional and physical components are critical. But now that I’m almost 40 years old, I’m also very interested in someone I find genuinely interesting.
She may not share my interest in going garage sale hunting on the weekends to find rare antiques from America’s early colonial history. Still, she has interests and insights of his own.
It doesn’t need to be Harvard University here, but some intellectual stimulation and difficult conversations would be great.
Everyone has their interests and focus, which is excellent. I don’t need to find a woman who shares all my interests.
But I would like to find someone who has their interests and is willing to share them and talk about me.
This is a big part of the sharing I want to enjoy in a committed and serious relationship in the future.
7. Reliability and dependability
A little while ago, I talked about the reliable and consistent woman I was looking for that I am after a little after years.
I have many plans for the years ahead, but I’m no longer open to the slapdash encounters and relationships I once was in my youth.
I want him to communicate clearly with me, and I can trust him.
We all screw each other up from time to time, but one of my main criteria is a person who does those times as little as possible.
I vow to do the same for him.
Have a colleague I know I can trust. Not someone whose phone I want to check and feel uneasy when she’s away from me.
And I will do everything I can to make that boy my woman. This is my promise to whom.
8. A can-do attitude
I want to retire in the next 15 years or so. I have big ideas for my life after work.
My last relationship involved a lot of negativity that got me down.
More specifically, my ex-partner had an immune system disorder that made him very anxious and knocked him out for many days.
I was as understanding and supportive as possible and worked with him to overcome these struggles. It’s not his fault he has a disorder.
But what got my goat was that he had the idea of victimhood and self-pity. If you heard him say these words, she was the most suffering person in the world since Job in the Bible.
I don’t have his disease. I’m sure it’s terrible. However, this negative mood began to wear on me.
I am now looking for a 44-year-old woman with a can-do attitude. I don’t expect anyone to be flawless or perfect, just a general approach to life: bring it on.
After death, there is enough time to rest here and there.
Now I’m looking for a better half who shares my zest for life and wants to retire soon and take fantastic trips through the Italian wine country and the Carpathian mountains.
Like I said, bring it on.
9. Future planning and vision
Retirement is not the only event I have planned for the future. I also want to move to be closer to my oldest son eventually. He currently works as an engineer, about a four-hour plane ride from where I live.
In this sense, I would like to meet someone somewhat versatile and potentially ready to act.
I would be completely open to compromise and accommodate their plans as well.
Relationships take time to build. I am ready to take that time and not rush everything.
Because as much as I’m happy to live more in this exciting world of ours, it’s worth the time and patience for me to get to know someone and plan a future with them.
I am pretty optimistic. I want to meet someone who wants to share his life image with me.
10. Women facing their demons
A woman I am open to dating and getting serious with is a woman who has faced her demons.
She can be divorced, single, blue collar, white collar, or between.
External features are not what attract or encourage me. It’s the knowledge at his core and what I’ve learned from watching him face his inner demons and overcome them.
I’ve faced some real demons, including several years of alcoholism and a broken marriage.
Part of this struggle in my life is that I have trouble staying true to what I look for in love. So I feel clear about who I want to find and why it is so important to me now.
Many avoid thinking about what they want or don’t want and end up feeling like victims of love.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t growing up be what you imagined? Or at least it makes some sense…
It’s easy to turn bitter when you’re frustrated with finding what you want in a relationship and even feel helpless.
You can even throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something else.
It’s something I learned from world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we are culturally conditioned to believe.
Most of us have been self-sabotaging and cheating for years.
Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video that many of us chase love so toxic that it ends up stabbing us in the back.
We cling to terrible relationships or empty encounters. We continue to feel terrible about never finding what we’re looking for and never seeing the qualities we want in potential new love interests.
And worst of all:
We fall in love with someone new, but only with an idealized version of someone instead of a natural person.
We try to “fix” our employees and ultimately destroy the relationship.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them and feel twice as bad.
Ruda’s teachings gave me a new perspective.
As I watched, it felt like someone understood my struggles to find and cultivate a love for the first time — and finally offered a practical solution to seeing what we’re looking for in love.
If you end up with unsatisfying dating, loose ends, disappointing relationships, and repeated dashes of hope, this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.
There are many more things to consider
Recently, a close friend of mine, who has no children, revealed that he wants to be a father. It’s 41.
His perspective is a little different than mine. Because I already have an adult son, and I don’t want to have more children.
In other words, my friend is still looking for a woman young enough to have children safely. If he were madly in love with a lady in his mid-40s, he’d be okay with it, or at least think about being flexible.
But more or less, he is looking for a woman who has not yet had children, ideally a tiny woman.
I honestly don’t mind settling down with a woman who already has children in my business. I’d say it’s only fair because I already have a son.
A man in his 40s is usually looking for a woman who will help him avoid the mistakes he made in love in the past. If he is wise, then he is not looking for perfection but only for development.
That’s my situation, anyway.
Expectations are not accessible.
In my earlier years, high hopes sabotaged my love life in a way.
I would even say that part of the reason my marriage ended was my hopes for what my wedding would become.
I am very sorry for how you hurt my son and my wife.
The past is the past, though. I am now looking for a woman to be a romantic and loving companion in my middle years.
I don’t care about his appearance.
It is the relationship within us.
However: I have no expectations about it. I am ready to start from the ground and meet someone at their level.
I’ve run out of patience to follow the dead, but I still have an open mind and am ready to go head-to-head with anything today.
The difference is that I now have a clearer idea of what I’m looking for, what will satisfy me, and what I can bring joy to a future employee.