Is your relationship haunted by the dreaded ex-girlfriend? Does it make you uncertain as your boyfriend refuses to cut ties with her?
Dealing with the ghost of previous girlfriends may be arduous particularly when your boyfriend nonetheless has emotions for her.
While it’s pure to really feel bizarre, insecure, and bothered when your boyfriend nonetheless talks to his ex, there’s one thing you are able to do about it.
So earlier than you burst into tears or dump him, listed here are things that it’s best to do.
10 tips when your boyfriend gained’t cut ties with his ex
So in case your boyfriend remains to be regarding his former flame, listed here are methods you’ll be able to deal with this matter.
1) Find out why he’s speaking to his ex-girlfriend
You have to think about why he’s connecting with her.
Are they engaged on a project collectively? Or possibly they determined to stay associates after their breakup as they’ve realised that their emotions had been largely platonic.
Here’s the factor,
When your boyfriend gained’t cut ties with his ex, it might be that he has this emotional connection with his ex.
It doesn’t essentially imply romantic or sexual. It might be that your boyfriend enjoys her company, she empowers and makes him really feel good.
And it doesn’t imply he’s already dishonest on you.
If you found out that there aren’t any romantic emotions in any way, there’s no want so that you can be jealous about it.
Under sure circumstances and if it’s really platonic, there’s nothing mistaken with remaining associates with an ex.
But if there’s no purpose for them to be speaking with one another incessantly, and you may sense that he’s hiding one thing from you – then take it as a warning signal.
2) Acknowledge the scenario brazenly
Don’t deny the truth that it bothers you otherwise you really feel insecure. But then, don’t blame your boyfriend should you really feel jealous.
This merely implies that it’s best to talk your fears with your boyfriend.
Pay consideration to how he reacts and if he turns into defensive about it.
You could also be tempted to behave like there’s nothing to fret about. You may additionally get too clingy as you’re afraid that your boyfriend would possibly run again from the arms of his ex, attempt to keep away from this.
It’s higher to be assertive and deal with this example as calmly as doable.
Yes, you’ll be able to inform him that his closeness with his ex is making you’re feeling uncomfortable.
Communicate your fears and by no means permit any disagreements to accentuate. This will allow you to and your boyfriend build a basis of belief and honesty.
3) Take time to consider what’s happening
Even should you don’t just like the the reason why your boyfriend gained’t cut ties with his ex, take a while to relax.
Before you get offended and react, take into account what your response can be.
Try to keep away from telling your boyfriend that you just don’t belief him. For if he’s not doing something mistaken, your insecurity would possibly create harm to your relationship.
But then should you’re sure that he’s flirting with his ex, you would possibly simply wish to kick the man to the curb.
Nothing may be extra devastating than discovering out that he’s dishonest on you. Still, don’t let your feelings rule over you.
Here’s the factor,
Have you ever requested your self this question: why is love so arduous?
Why can’t love be candy like the way you imagined it to be? Or at the least make some sense…
See, if you’re dealing with a boyfriend who doesn’t wish to cut ties with his ex, it’s straightforward to turn into annoyed. You would possibly really feel helpless and even be tempted to throw within the towel – or hand over on love (however don’t).
Let me counsel that you just do one thing completely different.
This is what I’ve realised from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Landê. From him, I realised the best way to seek out love – and understand that intimacy just isn’t what now we have been culturally conditioned to imagine.
Truth is, many people self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the best way of meeting a companion who can really fulfil us.
In Rudá’s free mind-blowing video, he shared how many people chase love in a poisonous manner that finally ends up stabbing us within the again.
We get caught in empty encounters and terrible relationships – that we by no means actually discover what we’re in search of – and we really feel horrible when our companions proceed to get entangled with their former flames.
We attempt to “fix” our companions or discover somebody who “completes” us. We fall in love with a really perfect model of somebody as a substitute of the true individual, and we find yourself destroying this relationship.
I’m grateful that Rudá’s teachings confirmed me an entire new perspective.
While watching the video, it appears like he understood my struggles – and lastly provided an precise, sensible resolution when my companion doesn’t wish to cut ties with his ex.
So, should you’re finished with this irritating scenario and having your hopes dashed again and again, then that’s precisely the message that you must hear.
I assure you’ll by no means be disillusioned.
4) Consider the size of time since they broke up
Don’t leap to conclusions or suppose that they’re in a relationship simply because one thing appears misplaced.
Did your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend break up years in the past earlier than you even met one another? Then most likely, they did stay associates. And if so, you don’t have anything to fret about.
But, in the event that they did break up months in the past or in the event that they break up due to you, then it might imply one thing else.
If they cut up up just lately, their lives are nonetheless entwined – and there might be some severe unfinished business between them.
So in the event that they’ve solely been aside for a few weeks and your boyfriend doesn’t wish to cut ties with his ex, you might wish to significantly deal with this with him.
5) Keep things in perspective
Overthinking and being paranoid can blow every little thing out of proportion.
If your boyfriend mentions his ex-girlfriend, attempt to not get jealous immediately. Don’t think about them hugging, strolling collectively into the sundown, or having intercourse.
Keep in thoughts that what that they had ended and also you’re with him now. Never question his love for you. And by no means examine your self with this ex-girlfriend.
It’s finest to place all ideas of his ex out of your head so you’ll be able to focus in your relationship.
Remember that being jealous over nothing can harm what you may have.
But then if he’s nonetheless protecting their pictures collectively and doesn’t wish to delete them on his cellphone, one thing else is happening.
6) Approach the problem if you’re each in a very good temper
Instead of citing the problem the second you catch him speaking to his ex, discover the proper timing.
And this implies attempting to resolve the problem properly as a substitute of giving him an ultimatum.
When your boyfriend gained’t cut ties with his former flame and he is aware of that you just’re jealous or offended about it, it might be arduous so that you can persuade him that he’s within the mistaken.
That’s as a result of he’ll put up his defences and reject all of your ideas and concepts.
Try this: Tell your boyfriend that being with him makes you content and also you’re grateful for him for being affected person with you lately.
These will make him admire and encourage him to hearken to what you’re feeling.
From right here, let him know no matter it’s that’s bothering you and also you’d prefer to know what he thinks about it.
Be sincere. You can say that it hurts you very a lot when he connects with his ex because it continually reminds you that he’s been intimate with her.
Hopefully, your boyfriend will acknowledge your ache.
And when he really cares about you and your relationship, he’ll discover a technique to cease speaking with his ex and give attention to you.
7) Step again till he’s over her
I do know this isn’t one thing you wish to do. But it’s finest to not get extra romantically concerned particularly when he can’t recover from his previous.
Stepping again means avoiding happening dates and sleeping collectively.
When you turn into emotionally and romantically concerned with somebody who’s not over his earlier relationships, it is going to be extra painful for you when your wants aren’t met. You’ll really feel uncared for and cheated on.
So it’s finest to face again. But, you’re free to remain in contact.
And within the meantime, it’s finest to give attention to your self.
- Do one thing that offers you peace and which means
- Hang out with your girlfriends and relations
- Pamper your self on the salon
- Hit the fitness center or do yoga and meditation
8) Do your finest to fulfil one another midway
If your boyfriend gained’t let go of his connection with his ex-girlfriend regardless of how good your strategy is, attempt to discover a manner that you may each work with.
Your boyfriend in all probability insists that it’s purely platonic and that you’ve got his full belief.
In that case, that you must overcome your fears and worries – and settle for that this ex will stay a buddy.
But it’s important to make it possible for your boyfriend is being clear with you.
Even when you have belief points or not, counsel if he’ll be comfortable to indicate you their conversations or at the least share with you what they’re speaking about. And if he brings you alongside to fulfil her in individual, that’s higher.
Give your boyfriend the advantage of the doubt even when he’s taking the chance.
The factor is, there’s at all times this danger that he might need these emotions for his ex and cheat on you.
But then, should you talk actually, the possibilities of dishonest and one thing going mistaken is way decrease than should you had been to cover things from one another.
Take this as a problem in your relationship.
For if you enhance your perceptions of one another and have religion, the extra profitable your relationship will probably be for years to come back.
9) Know when to depart
It’s tough to finish a relationship and go away the individual you’re keen on most. And I do know that leaving him is the very last thing you’d ever wish to do.
Hopefully, leaving him is the best way to make him replicate on his habits.
But don’t let him go when your solely intention is to get what you need from him. Doing that’s extraordinarily manipulative and immature.
Only go away him when he’s being dishonest and doesn’t care about you in any respect. It’s not straightforward, however it might be finest for each of you.
If there’s nothing to fret about him connecting with his ex, then you definitely don’t have to repair something.
But in case your boyfriend gained’t cut ties with his ex as a result of he nonetheless has sturdy emotions for this lady, ask your self if that is the sort of relationship that you really want.
Remember that leaving a relationship that doesn’t make you’re feeling comfortable, safe, and valued will open the door to discovering the proper man you need to be with.
10) Make him really feel afraid of shedding you
If speaking to your boyfriend and meeting him midway doesn’t work, then give him an ultimatum.
Ideally, this isn’t a really perfect manner of creating somebody care and see your value – however you can provide it a attempt.
Fair warning: Giving your boyfriend an ultimatum can backfire on you. It could make him offended and provides him a purpose to just accept the breakup and go away you.
For if you give him an ultimatum, there’s no turning again.
Let me put a disclaimer right here. I’m not saying that you just use an ultimatum as a method of manipulation.
If this example is making you sad and your boyfriend isn’t afraid of losing you, this ultimatum may be the best way for him to know the way a lot he cares about you.
Just give him an ultimatum when you understand that he lacks self-awareness and has forgotten the great relationship that you just share.
Telling him that you just’ll stroll away (and imply it) can harm him and make him see the way you really really feel.
Hopefully, this ultimatum will function a wake-up name so he’ll understand how useful you’re to him – and make him struggle for you and the connection.
What to do now?
Trust and honesty are the muse of a healthy, romantic relationship. It’s arduous to determine this in case your boyfriend doesn’t wish to cut ties with his previous lover.
It’s as a result of protecting in touch with a former lover removes the main focus away out of your relationship. It’s like a distraction with none function. After all, any relationship may be threatened by an ex.
Know that some folks may half amicably and stay associates.
But if he leaves you for his ex, then possibly, he’s not the one for you.
And if he cares about you and your relationship, he’ll compromise and alter. If he loves you, he’ll need the perfect for you.
Make him see what a fantastic individual you’re – and inform him how great he’s for being there with you.
No matter what, be sturdy. Know your value – as you’re worthy to be liked. Most importantly, love your self.
Remember that you just need to be liked equally in return.