You are finally DONE faking it to be nice to your ex. You realized that there is no point in being nice to someone who just broke your heart.
You might think that your ex will cool off with this change — after all, you were done — but no, even if he was the one to end the relationship, he wouldn’t.
Here’s a list of things your ex might be thinking when you suddenly ignore them
1. He will feel rejected
Even if your ex is the one who dumped you, it will feel unwanted! Isn’t that just fun?
Maybe he’s a fan, or maybe it’s just a quirk of human nature that some people are. But some people are incapable of feeling unwanted, even by people we hate or reject.
If your ex is one of those ignoring them will definitely have that effect. This is especially if, while you are still together, he proved that he is a guy who always wants attention. But even “regular” guys will still find their self-esteem low.
The things he’ll feel — unwanted and unloved — won’t be so different from what he felt when he rejected you.
2. It will make him feel like a criminal
Another thing your ex struggles with, especially if your breakup was because of something he did, is guilt.
Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but that’s how it feels. Ignoring him will remind him of the times you’ve done wrong and make him feel so bad that he’d rather be behind bars.
And he will have to tear your relationship apart and ask himself what went wrong. The things he will have to face will turn him to hate. He will remember how you took him for granted.
Most importantly, it will make him think about himself… who he is as a person. He asked himself, “Am I really a bad person?”, “Will I find another girl who will love me so much?”, “Am I worthy of true love?” he will ask.
Overall, this is a good result. He needs to get to the point where he grows up a little bit before you split up whether you’re going to get together or not.
3. He will think that you have finally realized your worth
You dumped him, he dumped you… It doesn’t matter. The moment you stop answering his calls or turning off his friendly smiles when you cross paths, your ex will start to think that maybe, just maybe, you’ve finally realized your worth.
You see, it’s just basic psychology.
Once upon a time, this guy chased you and thought you were the most beautiful woman alive. But then he began to take you for granted, as men often do.
Now that you’ve been apart and the storm of feelings both of you have passed, now a part of him is thinking, “Man, I let a good woman go.”
This is especially true if you’ve developed more since your breakup — you’ve grown your career, you’re happier, and so on.
A part of him will start to see you as out of his league and he can’t take you back now.
4. He will think that you have finally realized his worth
If he’s particularly self-absorbed, then you’ve come to understand his worth, or at least agree with him on this point. If you ignore your ex and be trash, he’ll think, “Well, we’re not really meant to be, after all. He’s way taller than me.”
If you’re the one who dumped him, on the other hand, then not only will he feel those feelings, but he’ll feel them even stronger.
Sure, he’ll look cool and composed, but when he gets home he can plow through a barrel of beer and stare at the ceiling. And he can think that any girl will love him.
A word of warning: If you’re going to get back together with this guy, make sure his safety isn’t the only reason he’s trying to get back together with you. Let him sort out his issues and get back together only for the right reason, pure love as we know it.
5. He will start seeing you as a new woman
Familiarity leads to hate, it does. The more you get to know someone, the more you start to take them for granted, and the more annoying their little quirks become.
You will know exactly how they like their coffee or what they like to eat. But you also know how they react. What words will leave his lips when he opens his mouth to speak?
Your ex is holding these thoughts against you. And the moment you “broke” progressiveness by ignoring him (especially if you’re naturally friendly and always posted), he’d go “wait a minute, is that still the same guy?”
This is the interesting part. It will be very interesting for you.
Relationship coach James Bauer suggested this as one of the best tricks in his best-selling book “get your ex back.”
The idea is simple: change the emotions he communicates with you and make him form a completely new relationship with you. … and you start by changing how he sees you.
In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method to change the way your ex treats you. He reveals the texts you can send and the words that will stir something deep within him.
Because once you paint a new picture of what your life together could be, his emotional walls won’t stand a chance.
6. He will ask if you are already moved on
This should actually be at the top of this list. If your ex is ignoring you, that’s certainly the first thing you think of, right? Especially if you parted on good terms, even once they’re begging to get back together.
Acting unfazed or unexcited by his presence will make him wonder if you’ve completely moved on… like 1000%!
And, of course, he will feel a lump in his throat, because this is still a huge loss for him. Despite being separated from you, he is so used to your caress that ignoring him is like pulling a plug.
Believe me, no one can be cold, especially with the loss of the person we were once with.
7. He will think about the meaning of love and relationships
You become an ice queen overnight, shaking him to the point where he becomes the next Shakespeare or Neruda.
He will have a bit of a crisis – while walking in the river or taking a cold shower. “What is the meaning of life?”, “What do I live for?”, or “Is true love really possible?” will ask rhetorical questions like
It can make him a poet or a drinker or both. He may even text you to feel something from you.
Another word of caution: If he loves you via SMS and rushes back to you, don’t believe it right away. Maybe it’s just his way of dealing with his crisis… to feel like there’s still someone in this tough world who can wrap his arms around him.
Simply put: It doesn’t mean he loves you back, he’s just afraid of how lonely it is to be human.
8. Finally, he will be sad
Most men seem unaffected after a breakup. I don’t know why this is usually the case. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet, or they want to show that they’re unaffected by love objects for the first few weeks or months.
But it’s also because part of them thinks it’s just a phase, and the breakup wasn’t really a REAL breakup.
If you show him that you can’t treat him the way you used to and that you don’t care about him anymore, that’s when your ex will finally think it’s all real.
And in the meantime, he will be really sad or run to you.
9. He will think you are doing it to protect yourself
Let’s say he cheated on you and that’s why you broke up. Or he lies to his face a million times a day. Or an alcoholic.
Or let’s say he’s a really great guy and that’s why you were mad when he broke up — months later, even after you broke up, you were still begging him to come back.
If you ignore him, he’ll feel like you’ve now realized how toxic he can be and that’s why you’ve stayed away from him. Or if he’s a big boy who broke your heart, he might think you’re still in the healing process and want to protect your growth.
Either way, he might think you’re protecting yourself from falling in love with him again. And if he is a good man, he will respect that by staying away.
10. He will realize that he cannot mess with you
If you feel like you’re lost when you’re together, let’s say you’ve become a submissive doormat following your ex’s decisions, then ignoring him will give him the harsh treatment he deserves.
He will realize two things. One. that he is no longer strong enough for you. Either way, now you’re the person he can’t mess with.
You can stand up for yourself and don’t give a damn about him or what he thinks.
Like, you finally get out of the tub for a long time and tell him you can do whatever the F you want. This includes NOT replying to his texts or giving him a peck on the cheek when you see each other at parties.
I congratulate you. This realization should be liberating for you… but if he still wanted you, he was threatening him a bit (and just manipulating you with breakup drama).
11. He will fall in love with you again
Or at least he thinks so. It’s human nature, but usually a caveman trait. Ignoring the ex, you find yourself unattainable. You’re no longer someone he can “have” again whenever he wants, and that makes you all the more willing.
This is why men come back the moment you stop falling for them. Therefore, your ex will make himself known in your life the moment you meet someone new. As I said above, don’t believe him right away.
He probably doesn’t even know why he feels that way. Your ex is treading on the wrong territory, and really all he wants is reassurance that he’s still into you.
Unfortunately, he simply mistakes this feeling for love. A word of advice: Love is not a switch you can turn on and off. He’s probably just in a rush. Whether he really loves you or not.
What to do if he reaches out to you?
As described so far, ignoring your ex will encourage him to act out in more ways than one. So don’t be surprised if he reaches out too soon.
And shall I say congrats? Well, not yet.
You need to know what to do when this happens, and that means you really need to come clean about your relationship with your ex.
Do you still love him, but you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore? Do you just want revenge? Do you really want him back?
Sit down and be honest with yourself. Once you are sure of your answer, you will know exactly what to do when he approaches you.
If you want revenge
Maybe he hurt you so much that you didn’t even want to go with him. Now he crawls to you. Maybe you think you have it now and it should be easy to feel like the worst person in the world.
The answer is no. do not bother to take revenge and hurt him in turn. It may feel good at the moment, but it won’t do you any good in the long run. You are just wasting your time and energy.
Better to use this time and energy to look for someone better or heal properly.
If you are still in love but don’t want to get back together
So you’re still in love, but you know you can’t just go back somewhere. Maybe you’re roommates and you don’t want to have that kind of relationship. Maybe your ideals just collide. Maybe you need to take a break from them to focus on your career.
In such cases, you don’t want to stop being friends with him completely.
So what do you do?
- List the reasons why you don’t want to get together with your ex and read every so often.
- Communicate. If you just want to be friends, tell him that. If you want to stop each other, tell him so.
- Be firm and decisive with your words. For your sake and his, don’t say things like, “Maybe one day…” That leaves him with hope.
- Respect the boundaries. If you’ve asked to be friends with him since then, gently call him out if he starts flirting with you. If you ask to be left alone, then block him when he tries to contact you.
- You also need to make sure that you stick to your requirements, whether you don’t flirt with him or don’t contact him at all.
- Even if you’ve agreed just to be friends, don’t hesitate to cut him off if he insists on shamelessly flirting with you or making it look like you’re still together on social media.
If you want it back
If you want to get it back, that’s another matter entirely. And there’s more to remember.
After all, getting back in touch with someone is more complicated than just reinforcing boundaries.
- Hold your horses. The last thing you want is to be rushed. Just because you want to. Apparently, he wants it. That doesn’t mean you can get back together right away.
- Think about what is wrong with your relationship. Ask yourself if this is something either of you can fix. Whether you already do it or not.
- Try to find out if he is still interested. If he has truly decided that he is done with you, there is no point in trying to win him back.
- Give yourself a priority. Try to learn as much as you can from your last relationship and be the best person you can be. One you can be proud of.
- Don’t ignore it completely, but also avoid clinging too tightly. Even if you are, try not to look desperate.
- Have a conversation. Nothing helps a relationship last more than clear communication. So talk to him about your goals, what you think you need to change for the better, and your problems.
- Make sure he’s taken care of his issues. If he hasn’t made any effort to resolve his big, glaring issues, then there’s no point in you getting back together. It will just end in another breakup.
- Start slow. Don’t jump ahead just because you’ve been together before. Don’t treat your new relationship as a continuation of the old one, or risk making the same mistakes.
As useful as the advice above is, they all have one flaw – common sense. There is no way for me to know the details of your particular situation and I should speak in broad accents to cover as many scenarios as possible.
While it’s nice to remember, the best advice will come from someone you can talk to about all the details. Sometimes these small details are enough to make a big difference.
Want specific advice for your situation?
Fortunately, it’s quite possible to get a relationship coach online. Someone who can tailor their advice to your specific needs.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice that affects your life, values, and experiences. But of course, it’s easy enough to make a fancy website and pretend you know all this, even though you know nothing at all. You need someone who is actually reliable.
That’s why we recommend “Relationship Hero”. Highly trained relationship coaches ask, “How does my ex feel after a breakup?” and “how do I get them back?” is a site where they help people with questions like
They are a very popular resource for people facing this type of difficulty.
How do I know?
Well, I turned to them a few months ago when I was going through a rough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for a long time, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
How kind, compassionate and helpful he was to me.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation.
Men are not good at being ignored. Depending on your personal circumstances and exactly what kind of person you are, there are many things you can feel or do. But indifference is not one of them.
Even if your ex tries to act cold and indifferent, you will still make him think.
This means that whether you want men back in your life or not, you may need to do a bit of bragging to get over them.
But nothing is invulnerable. And with enough self-reflection, willpower, and professional advice, you can easily overcome the confusion that is male emotion and pride.