You have finally met the man of your dreams. Not only is he flashy and chiseled, but he also has amazing manners. He is the very definition of perfect, right up until you realise he has no ambitions in life.
Then what do you do? To get started, you can try any of these 21 foolproof tips:
1) Make sure to differentiate between ambition and success
They may look the same, but ambition and success are two different things.
Ambition is about achieving something. It involves motivation, drive, and a plan to make these goals come true.
In other words, it is about looking to the future. Success, on the other hand, is measured differently. it is subjective. Your man may consider your quiet work and simple life to be successful.
On the other hand, you may associate success with a loaded man.
That is why it is important to differentiate which is which. Does your man lack ambition, or does he lack the kinds of things you’ve always attributed to success?
2) Get to know yourself better
Dating someone is not just knowing everything about him. You must enter the relationship with a complete knowledge of yourself as well.
“What are you willing to compromise on? What qualities complement yours? What are the core values you cannot compromise on?”
That is why T. Brown advises couples to “Know yourself as an individual and as a couple. Knowing yourself helps you communicate better, and your partner will definitely appreciate it.”
(Speaking of communication, we’ll explore more of that later.)
3) Ask yourself: can you live with their lack of ambition?
Are you okay with him being stuck in a dead-end job, because that means you’re probably going to take on most of the bills?
Do you agree with the fact that it doesn’t always reach your intellectual capacity? Are you comfortable enough to answer your family and friends when they ask you what you do?
For this situation, you will need more than just willpower. I learned about this from Life Journal, created by renowned life coach and teacher Jeanette Brown.
Willpower only gets you so far… the key to transforming your life into something you’re passionate about requires perseverance, a mindset shift, and effective goal setting.
And while this may seem like a big task, thanks to Jeanette’s guidance, it’s actually quite easy to do.
Now, you may be wondering what makes Jeanette’s course different from all the other personal development activities out there.
It all boils down to one thing:
Jeanette is not interested in being your life coach.
Instead, he wants YOU to take the lead in creating the life you’ve always dreamed of having. So if you’re ready to stop dreaming and start living your best life, be sure to check out Life Journal.
4) Understand that nothing is wrong with you
You’re not a bad girlfriend (or a gold digger ) for loving a man with ambition. After all, you are only thinking about your future.
While he’s more than capable of standing up and holding his own, there’s nothing wrong with looking for someone who can do the same.
This drive is also embedded in human psychology.
According to David Ludden , Ph.D.,there are two explanations for this:
- Theory of evolved preferences. “Women depend on men to provide for them and their children, and that is why they value resources that are overlooked in a potential mate.”
- Social role theory. “Women’s preference for overlooked resources is a response to current social organization rather than a product of our evolutionary past.”
So don’t blame yourself for wanting a guy with ambition. You are predisposed to be like this. However, how you handle your situation is another matter.
5) Explore the root cause(s)
Men without ambition do not do it ‘for a just cause’. Most of the time, there are factors that drive them to be, well, not so motivated.
For example, you may be stuck in a low-paying job, or you may be deep in credit card or student loan debt.
You may even be struggling with low self-esteem issues. In other words, your lack of ambition may be due to your current condition.
That said, it is essential to know if you are only limited by your situation, or if you are just a simple person without a job. If you’re dealing with the latter, you may want to follow these tips.
6) have a chat
Just like discussing the other issues in your relationship, you need to talk about your lack of ambition.
As T. Brown explains:
“Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and one of the most difficult. That’s because being open and honest with your partner means being open and honest with yourself.”
When you talk to your partner, make sure you approach it with understanding. That is why it is crucial that you become familiar with the possible underlying factors, as they will help you in your conversation.
Also, you’d be better off heeding the advice of psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne , Ph.D. on how to have difficult conversations with your partner:
- Don’t avoid the ‘talk’. Discuss it while it is still a minor and trivial matter. Putting the problem aside for too long can end up escalating to unsolvable levels . You do not want that!
- Avoid ‘but’ statements. Whitbourne explains, “We’re culturally conditioned to expect something bad almost every time someone uses the tone of voice that begins with the sentence ‘but’.” As such, the best way to do this is to formulate your statements directly, be it positive or negative.
- Get ready. Whitbourne recommends “letting your partner know there’s something you want to discuss.”
- Stay positive throughout the conversation. “Feeling that the situation is hopeless is an almost sure way to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you’ve decided all is lost, you’ll invariably interpret everything your partner says with a heavy dose of pessimism,” adds Whitbourne .
As T. Brown says: “It all comes down to listening to your partner and being nice to them.” Don’t forget to validate your man’s feelings!
7) Do not close the conversation
Talking about your lack of ambition will certainly lead to disagreements. It’s okay. However, the important thing is that you do not cut off communication due to palpable tension.
According to T. Brown, it’s best to “Tell your partner that you’re upset and need time to calm down and process your thoughts before you speak. This way, they won’t feel like you’re disappearing from them or ignoring their feelings.”
In other words, try to get off your chest before you continue talking. You don’t want to end the relationship prematurely just because you were both mad at each other.
8) Accept the fact that you will not be able to change it
Some of us see our men as pet projects. We believe that we can magically transform ourselves into motivated worker bees.
Newsflash: Most of the time, we can’t change them.
Men are inherently stubborn, thanks to the testosterone that runs through their veins. So they will do what they want when they want.
That is the way they are built.
So instead of bursting into flames every time you review his lack of ambition, I recommend that you practice radical acceptance.
According to Lachlan Brown, founder of HackSpirit , it’s about “accepting the things you can’t change. It means recognising that you can’t always fight things. Sometimes you just have to let something go.”
If you’re new to this practice, you can read Lachlan’s guide to radical acceptance here.
9) Ask him: is he happy with where he is now?
I understand that you are only thinking about your future. But you should also consider their happiness.
Maybe you are happy with your current job. He doesn’t have a toxic boss and totally adores his co-workers.
Remember, it’s okay not to be career-driven.
“When our work makes sense, when we see a tantalizing vision of the future, and when we have strong, warm relationships, we are emotionally, intellectually, and physically equipped to do our best.”
You don’t want to make him miserable by pushing him into a career he hates.
As McKee explains, “When you work in an environment where you are constantly dealing with these destructive emotions, they interfere with reasoning, adaptability, and resilience.”
Worse yet, it could lead you to “fall into a state where you can’t seem to find your way back to happiness. As a result, it may not be as effective as it once was.”
Remember: he may be genuinely happy with his life right now, and it’s more than enough for him. As for your part, the best thing you can do now is to show him that you are behind him 101%!
10) Appreciate the differences
You know what they always say: opposites attract. It may differ when it comes to the topic of ambition, but it may be for the better.
Explains T. Brown:
“Part of what makes relationships amazing is the differences! Your partner can help you see the world from a new perspective, even if you don’t ultimately change your mind.”
Indeed, if you are an ultra-competitive person, you will not want an equally motivated boyfriend. You’ll end up butting heads in no time.
In addition, your partner without ambitions may have talents or skills that you do not have, something that will surely be useful to you in your daily life. Remember: there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!
11) You can always try to cheer him up
Change starts from within.
Look, you can’t force him to be ambitious if he doesn’t have the drive to do it. So he will remain the headstrong man you knew him to be.
That said, I could encourage you until you are motivated enough to do so.
According to Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D.’s Psychology Today report: “Research shows that encouragement from romantic partners to pursue goals in areas such as career, school, friendship, and fitness makes people more likely to achieve those goals.”
Here are some words of encouragement that can help you and your man.
12) Help your partner pursue their goals
Perhaps you didn’t achieve your ambition because you lacked the right support system.
Perhaps your man has not had a partner who is willing to help him achieve his goals. His ex-girlfriend may have fired him early on, which is why he decided to keep his style laid back.
To do this, Seidman recommends “Help them come up with a specific plan. Focus on goals that are realistic and achievable. It is important that these plans are specific (apply to job A and B next week), rather than general (for example, have a new job this month).”
Here are some other tips that are sure to help your man achieve his goals.
13) Offer some suggestions
Sure, it’s every woman’s dream to transform an unambitious man into a world-renowned CEO. But let’s face it: there’s a big chance it won’t happen.
That said, your guy doesn’t necessarily have to be stuck in his old dead-end job. You can offer career suggestions that don’t necessarily require a lot of ambition.
Vlogger . Content creator. Basically, anything that has to do with your hobbies (snowboarder, skater, etc.)
The best of this? Not only are you showing her the support she needs, but you can also hit the jackpot with your career suggestions!
You do not believe me? Just look at these figures :
- In the US, a vlogger can earn up to $83,916 a year.
- Top earners in the US can earn up to $200,000 a year!
As Marc Anthony once said: If you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life.
14) Remember to take a step back
There will be times when your partner will resist the help you are trying to provide. (As I mentioned earlier, men can get pretty stubborn.)
If this happens, leave them alone.
According to Seidman , “providing help that is not needed or wanted can be seen as a threat to oneself and can make people feel that their partner does not have faith in them or can make them feel indebted to the one who provides them” .
Taking a step back can also be beneficial for you. This can give you the time you need to reflect on your situation. Maybe this will help you see the glass as half full and not half empty.
15) Avoid being controlling
Maybe your partner is realising his ambitions one step at a time. And, if you want this to continue at a leisurely pace, you have to fight the desire to control it.
Avoid being pushy! I understand that it is a human desire that gives us the feeling of security, order and stability.
But trust me, too much of a good thing is vile.
As Seidman explains:
“Trying to control your partner’s actions can backfire. When people feel that their freedom to do what they want is being threatened, they will cling more tightly to that threatened freedom, like a child who desperately wants to play with a specific toy simply because it is forbidden. When you try to control your partner, you are restricting their freedom.
16) Be respectful
It could become quite annoying every time your man avoids any kind of help or suggestion that you offer him. But before you completely fall apart, remember this: don’t criticise their choices and decisions.
In other words, don’t disrespect him.
As T. Brown says:
“Respect means that you recognise that your partner is a whole person, and not just a way to get something you want.”
Remember: respect begets respect!
17) Keep it subtle
If you have a strong personality, you are probably eager to help him. And in case you get the chance to do so, keep it subtle.
If you want him to take advantage of your help, you have to make it look like you’re not helping him at all.
“When the recipient doesn’t realise they’ve been helped, they avoid the potential negative consequences of feeling controlled, indebted, or threatened,” Seidman explains .
Remember: if you are too forthcoming with your help, your man may end up shunning him from the start.
18) Give him room to grow
Rome was not built in a day. Similarly, you cannot expect your man to become a handsome millionaire overnight.
As Guy Finley explains in Spirit of Change magazine:
“We can help others reach higher simply by consciously agreeing to give them space to go through their changes, even when these changes may challenge our sense of identity and well-being.”
“We must not only give them space to make the decisions they want, but (we must also) leave them alone to realise and experience the unique results of being who they are. How else can they learn and grow beyond themselves?
19) Consider the bright side
Dating a man with no ambitions is not always bad.
For one thing, he’ll shower most of the time with you (unlike your ex, who doesn’t always have time for you). Also, don’t be surprised if she cooks you a lousy dinner every night!
Actually, it may be able to complement your lifestyle, especially if you’re a determined entrepreneur. Who knows? You may no longer have to worry about being taken for granted.
And, if the two of you decide to have a baby, you don’t have to be the ones staying home. He can take over the helm of the house!
20) Remember to take care of yourself
Admittedly, it can be exhausting to date a man with no ambitions. But, at the end of the day, the most important person here is you.
So if you don’t want to end up physically and mentally exhausted, be sure to harness your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We get trapped by self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us genuine happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê . He has helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality and love so that they can open the door to their personal power.
He has a revolutionary approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern twist. It’s a style that uses nothing but your own inner strength, with no gimmicks or false claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment must come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of, and it’s easier than you think.
So if you are tired of living in frustration and doubt, you should check out his life-changing advice.
21) If all else fails, go
You have done all you can.
You understood his condition before talking to him. You encouraged him, helped him and gave him room to grow.
Heck, you even considered the silver lining (although there’s barely one). In other words, you’ve been a stellar partner.
That said, is this a situation where you will be happy? If not, you may want to leave the relationship. After all, your lack of purpose in life is more than a valid reason. It shows in their constant boredom, dissatisfaction and emptiness. Not only does this affect your life at home and at work, but it can also affect your relationship.
If you think you’ve done everything to no avail, you might want to pack up and leave.
At the end of the day, it’s about you and the relationship. Will you be able to live with his lack of ambition? If so, then by all means continue the relationship. But if not, you may have to pack your bags and go.
If you are still confused, don’t worry, Jeanette’s course can help you. She will help you solve deep-seated problems, so you can live the life you’ve always wanted.