Are you a perfectionist? Perfectionism is often appeared upon as a optimistic factor, and many individuals think about it a trait to goal for. Some individuals take delight of their perfectionism, citing how detail-oriented they’re, meeting deadlines nicely, and performing completely different duties with intricate high quality.
Many individuals imagine that they need to be perfectionists – or, no less than, they need it out of the individuals they work with. The thought is that it’s good to be a perfectionist. It’s supposedly one thing motivational and inspirational, and it retains your requirements excessive, so it have to be a superb factor. But is that the case?
As our understanding of perfectionism evolves over time, it has change into more and more clear that the will to be a perfectionist is solely counterproductive. The need to do nicely in life usually contradicts the pure traits that include perfectionism. Some individuals even change into sad on account of these traits.
But how does that make any sense? How can the act of looking for excessive requirements be dangerous to you or make you unhappy? Is it true – can perfectionism make you sad? Well, because it seems, analysis says so! Here’s how this trait can wind up doing extra hurt than good.
1. What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is greatest described because the holding of oneself to impossibly excessive requirements. On a simplified degree, one can say that perfectionism is unimaginable as a result of those that have this trait need, nicely, perfection – and that’s unimaginable to attain. But that view removes among the nuances of this explicit mind-set.
When somebody is a perfectionist, they don’t register that they’re attempting to achieve one thing unimaginable. Instead, they’re at all times striving to “do their best” whereas being solely unreasonable about what their greatest must be. No matter what they do, they think about it to easily by no means be adequate.
It’s simple to see, then, the place that unhappiness stems from. When you’re a perfectionist, you deplete your positive thinking by insisting upon something unachievable. Worse still, it’s a trait that can affect people of all ages. Working adults may feel the need to measure up to their idea of proper adulthood. At the same time, school-aged children and adolescents may experience constant pressure to overachieve in academic and extracurricular activities.
There’s nothing wrong with having high goals or a desire to do well in life. But when this becomes an irrational extreme, you have a problem.
Symptoms of maladaptive perfectionism include:
- Regular procrastination due to fear of an inability to complete tasks perfectly.
- Everyday experiences of “failure” even when you do well and primarily when you perform at average
- Being motivated by fear
- Being highly critical of yourself or others
- Having high and unrealistic standards
- Feeling like everything you try is something you’re bad at and being unwilling to learn new skills due to the initial lack of aptitude.
- Highly controlling behavior in relationships with friends, family, partners, and even colleagues and employees
- Having difficulty relaxing or staying calm
- Struggling to share emotions or admit to any negativity
- Depression due to an inability to meet very high and lofty goals
- Experiencing a very low self-esteem
- A tendency to react with defensiveness instead of understanding
- A lack of interest in celebrating successes, no matter how well-earned they are
- An obsession with work, lists, rules, details, and penance
- A complete apathy towards everyday tasks, typically after a spell of obsession
Many different things can cause perfectionism, but for the most part, it’s a learned behavior. An individual who is a perfectionist may feel that they only have value based on their achievements and abilities.
2. How Does Perfectionism Make You Unhappy?
Maladaptive perfectionism refers to specifically unhealthy forms of perfectionism. It can typically be characterized by a lot of fear of failure or not doing things perfectly, but it may also make you impose those standards onto others in the form of projection. Regardless, here are some ways that perfectionism can make you unhappy.
· You Feel The Constant Sting Of Failure
When you’re a perfectionist, everything you do winds up being a source of failure. You may want to do impossibly well at something that doesn’t work that way, or you may want to be the best among others who are more experienced than you in a friendly, non-competitive situation. Whatever the case, failing all the time is very bad for your self-esteem and can make you feel terrible!
· You’re Always Under Pressure
Perfectionists place a ton of pressure on themselves. This means you likely rarely ever give yourself a break, which makes you constantly stressed out. You may also feel pressure from your workplace, your friends, and your family to achieve certain levels of success with them, even though they don’t require that, and the idea has never even crossed their minds.
· You Get Anxious
Imagine that you’re constantly on the clock and required to make no mistakes, get everything done to perfection, and make miracles out of thin air. It’s only natural that anxiety would follow you if you were to put that kind of stress on yourself. Being perfect isn’t possible, and trying to make that happen can make you anxious and lose positive thinking.
· You Feel A Lot Of Guilt
Repeatedly “failing” to fulfill perfection as a typical could make you feel very guilty. After all, you don’t seem to be making any progress, and you’re not following through on the promises and words you’ve given to others. This traps you into a corner and brings down your mood as you wallow in feelings of undeserved shame.
· Your Relationships Suffer
No one likes hanging around a person who demands impossible perfection out of them. Remember that the people in your life are just human beings and don’t deserve to be projected onto when you struggle or grapple with your perfectionism. Regardless of whether you heed this advice here or not, though, the fact remains that you can feel unhappy when you don’t have anyone to socialize with.
· You Become Depressed
Apathy refers to a state where you may no longer care about anything or everything in life. This can often happen due to perfectionism because you feel as if it is simply not possible to achieve whatever “perfection” you desired. Apathy is a prevalent symptom of depression and requires treatment or therapy for the best results.
· You Never Take Risks or Learn
Perfectionists aren’t willing to bite the bullet and try something new, which can leave you stagnant in your circumstances. When you want everything to be perfect, the very concept of taking a risk and having to learn something new can be terrifying. But without the desire to take risks, you run the risk of becoming somewhat bored with your life, which can make you unhappy – especially if you’re not making any progress towards your goals at the same time.
3. Is There Such A Thing As Positive Perfectionism?
You may now believe that all perfectionism is destructive, but this is not the case. There are excellent and positive types of perfectionism on the market. Healthy perfectionism entails these excessive requirements however with a extra sensible coat of paint and real willpower within the face of challenges and hurdles. Positive perfectionism entails:
· Being Goal-Directed
Healthy perfectionists are glorious goal-setters. They be certain that they set achievable however difficult and clearly outlined objectives, set closing dates on them, and measure and observe their progress. This retains them motivated and ensures optimistic pondering as they visibly transfer nearer and near their desires.
· Staying Organize
Organizational expertise are sometimes neglected in unhealthy perfectionists, which is one motive they crumble. Healthy perfectionists schedule issues intelligently, leaving spare time for hobbies and leisure, and so they hold their lives and environments good and arranged, too – although the latter isn’t at all times a requirement.
· Seeking Personal Success
Healthy perfectionists customise their thought of success. Instead of getting caught up in each single ultimate offered by others, they concentrate on themselves. They are able to understanding that their greatest could also be completely different day by day and that it’s okay if their success isn’t outlined as successful by others. They matter most to themselves!
· Being Okay With Failure
Positive perfectionists know that they will’t at all times obtain what they got down to discover, and so they assume that that is okay (and it’s). When they fail at one thing, they be taught the teachings they will from it and launch management of the scenario, figuring out that they’re now stronger and extra geared up to face future endeavors.
The idea of wholesome perfectionism is surprisingly new within the realm of analysis. We could have discovered a steadiness between maladaptive perfectionism and apathy, which lets you be pushed and problem your self with out falling into widespread perfectionist traps. The perfectionism assemble is neither good nor unhealthy – it’s all about how you employ it, whether or not positive or damaging.
Final Thoughts On How Perfectionism Can Make You Unhappy
Perfectionism will get a mixture of good and unhealthy status, however the actuality of the matter lies someplace within the center. Still, the commonest thought of perfectionism is normally fairly dangerous, and it isn’t concepts that ought to get regurgitated and used time and again because it has for all these years.
At the identical time, keep in mind that optimistic perfectionism is a factor. You could be a perfectionist and hold your ideas sensible and in test, and also you’ll have a significantly better time in your pursuits. Challenging your self repeatedly and giving your self relaxation when vital is already sufficient to get you began in a balanced approach!
Of course, there are occasions when you possibly can’t shake perfectionism of an unhealthy selection. This can occur because of trauma, psychological problems, or different comparable issues. If your perfectionism will get in the best way of your on a regular basis duties and begins making every day chores and obligations unimaginable to do, whether or not because of apathy, stress, or common unhappiness, then it’s best to see a psychological well being skilled. Therapists, counselors, and comparable medical employees will be capable to provide the greatest care attainable whereas remaining unbiased in the direction of your issues.
The backside line is that this: every thing could make you content carefully and sad in extra. Most of the literature on perfectionism skews extra towards the idea of damaging perfectionism, however optimistic perfectionism shouldn’t be forgotten, both. Learn to channel wholesome perfectionism extra, and also you may be shocked if you really feel happier on the finish of the week!