When you break up with somebody, there are normally numerous feelings concerned. It will be troublesome to maneuver on and be friends with an ex.
However, it’s not inconceivable.
If you set boundaries and stick with them, having an ex-friendship can really work out very well for each of you.
In this weblog submit, we are going to focus on 20 essential boundaries that you might want to adhere to when making an attempt to keep up a friendship with your ex.
What is an ex-friendship?
Simply put, an ex-friendship is a friendship between two individuals who was once in a romantic relationship.
This sort of friendship can work out very well for each events concerned, however provided that sure boundaries are put in place and adhered to.
20 boundaries for being pleasant with your ex
Being friends with your ex doesn’t must be difficult. Lots of people have ex-friendships they usually’re capable of preserve them with none issues.
By following these floor guidelines and actually sticking to them, you’ll be able to make it possible for your friendship is wholesome and helpful for each of you:
1) No Facebook and Instagram stalking
Being lively on social media is part of on a regular basis life for most individuals.
However, if you’re making an attempt to be friends with your ex, it’s essential to withstand the urge to stalk their social media accounts like Facebook and Instagram.
Why is that?
Well, for one, it might probably make you are feeling worse.
You would possibly see your ex-partner doing things that they by no means did with you or hanging out with folks that you just don’t know. This can result in emotions of jealousy and resentment.
It’s additionally essential to do not forget that what most individuals submit on social media is usually not an correct illustration of actuality.
So, even when your ex seems to be like they’re having the time of their life on Instagram, that doesn’t imply that they really are.
By resisting the urge to stalk your ex’s social media, you’re setting a wholesome boundary in your friendship and giving your self some much-needed peace of thoughts.
2) Avoid social media posts about your former associate
This boundary goes hand-in-hand with the primary one.
Just as it’s best to keep away from stalking your ex’s social media, you must also keep away from posting about them by yourself accounts.
You see, if you submit about your ex on social media, it might ship a distinct message to them than you meant.
Additionally, posts about your ex is usually a set off for them.
If they see you speaking about them on social media, it would deliver up outdated emotions and make it more durable for them to be friends with you.
In any case, it’s typically a good suggestion to keep away from posting about your former associate on social media, even if you happen to assume that your intentions are pure.
And if in case you have one thing to say to your ex, say it to them straight. It’s higher to have that dialog in particular person or over the telephone than to submit about it on-line.
3) No making an attempt to get again collectively
The reality is, it takes a big quantity of effort and time to build a friendship with an ex.
If you’re continually having ideas in regards to the thought of getting again collectively, it’s going to be actually laborious to make any progress with your ex-friendship.
The backside line is that you might want to be sincere about your intentions from the beginning.
First of all, it’s essential to provide one another time to heal after the breakup. You can’t simply be friends with somebody in the future after which count on to choose up the place you left off romantically the subsequent.
Second, in case your ex is aware of that you just’re solely making an attempt to be friends so that you could get again collectively, they won’t wish to be friends with you in any respect.
They would possibly really feel such as you’re simply using them and that’s not basis for any form of relationship.
You would possibly simply set your self up for disappointment and heartache if it doesn’t work out.
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4) Breakup intercourse is sort of by no means a good suggestion
When you’ve gotten intercourse with somebody, it creates a bodily and emotional connection.
And when you’ve gotten that form of connection and intimacy with your ex, it might probably make it more durable to be friends with them.
Even if neither of you rehashes outdated emotions, the sexual connection could make it more durable to be friends since you’ll all the time be interested by one another in a bodily manner.
Of course, as tempting as it’s, sleeping with your ex is a purple flag and may make it more durable to be friends in the long term.
It could seem handy at the moment, however it might probably make the boundaries between you and your ex much more blurred.
5) Respect one another’s space and privateness
When you break up with somebody, you lose the proper to know every part about their life.
You don’t get to know who they’re relationship or what they’re as much as on a regular basis.
And if you wish to be friends with your ex, you might want to respect that.
It will be laborious, particularly if you happen to’ve been collectively for a very long time, however it’s essential to provide one another space and privateness.
You may not like every part that your ex does, however it’s not your house to evaluate them.
If you’ll be able to resist the urge to stalk them on-line or ask their friends about them, you’ll be more likely to remain on good phrases with your ex.
6) Respect the brand new companions in your life
Being friends with your ex means having to deal with their new companions. And that may be robust, particularly if you happen to nonetheless have emotions for them.
But if you wish to be friends with your ex, you might want to come to phrases with the truth that they’re shifting on.
And meaning respecting their new companions.
Now, that doesn’t imply you need to like them, however it does imply you might want to be respectful if you’re round them.
When you present your ex that you just’re joyful for them and that you just’re not going to attempt to sabotage their new relationship, it’ll go a good distance in sustaining a friendship.
7) Never evaluate your previous relationship with the long run ones
What you’ve gotten with your ex is previously. It’s over. And if you wish to be friends with them, you might want to come to phrases with that.
When you evaluate your past relationship with the future ones, you’re not solely disrespecting your ex, however you’re additionally setting your self up for disappointment.
Remember, the connection you’ve gotten with your ex isn’t the identical because the one you each have with your new companions. And that’s OK.
Every relationship is completely different and has its personal deserves.
Just concentrate on the current and the friendship you’ll be able to have with your ex.
That manner, you not solely give your self the possibility to maneuver on, however you additionally give your ex the possibility to do the identical.
You are your individual particular person
8) Don’t even attempt to relive the previous
Whatever occurred previously is previously. And that’s the place it ought to keep.
Trying to relive the previous is a surefire strategy to smash any likelihood of being friends with your ex.
It’ll solely result in arguments, resentment, and bitterness. And when that occurs, your probabilities of having an ex-friendship are slim to none.
If you end up caught and getting nostalgic about your previous, take a step again and ask your self why you wish to be friends with your ex within the first place.
Are you doing it for the proper causes? Or are you simply making an attempt to carry on to one thing that’s already gone?
Either manner, be sincere with your self. And one of the crucial efficient methods to get there may be to faucet into your personal energy.
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9) Keep discussions mild and optimistic
If you wish to preserve a platonic relationship with your ex, it’s essential to keep discussions light and positive.
That means no speaking in regards to the previous or rehashing outdated arguments. And it additionally means avoiding delicate subjects that would result in an argument.
Of course, that’s to not say you’ll be able to’t focus on different personal and critical subjects with your ex, however it’s essential to take action with warning.
You don’t wish to say one thing that would harm their emotions or make them really feel uncomfortable.
If you’ll be able to maintain things mild and optimistic, you’ll be more likely to remain on good phrases with your ex.
Remember, all the time method these conversations with respect and an open thoughts. If you are able to do that, you’ll be more likely to remain good friends with your ex.
10) Don’t focus on your previous relationship with your ex’s new associate
Consider this reality: your ex is with somebody new. And meaning they’re off-limits in relation to dialogue.
As tempting because it may be to speak about what it was prefer to date your ex with their present associate, resist the urge.
Listen, this can be a new chapter in each your lives – as friends. Allow their new relationship to unfold by itself. Let them work out what works and what doesn’t.
Doing this may mean you can preserve a wholesome and supportive friendship with your ex.
Who is aware of, finally, you would possibly even be capable of meet their new associate and develop into a pal to them, too.
11) Never give unsolicited love recommendation except requested
Have you ever skilled the sensation of regularly being given unsolicited recommendation?
It’s not enjoyable, is it?
Now think about how your ex would really feel if you happen to did that to them.
Unless they’ve explicitly requested for your opinion on their love life, it’s finest to keep up wholesome boundaries and maintain your ideas to your self.
Not solely is it none of your business, however you might additionally find yourself saying one thing that would harm their emotions or make them really feel uncomfortable.
And that’s the very last thing you wish to do if you wish to maintain tabs in your ex.
Let them determine things out on their very own. And after they’re able to open up and search your recommendation, they are going to.
12) Don’t share intimate particulars of your life post-breakup
Even in case your attachment to your ex could also be completely different now that they’re a part of your life as a pal, it’s essential to not share intimate particulars of your post-breakup life.
I suppose you might say you received’t have that awkwardness between one another. But that doesn’t imply it’s best to share every part with them.
The factor is, simply since you’re friends now doesn’t imply they should find out about your post-breakup “sexcapades” or new love pursuits.
If something, listening to about these things might simply make them really feel uncomfortable.
At the top of the day, if you happen to chorus from sharing an excessive amount of personal info, you’ll probably have a stronger and more healthy ex-friendship.
13) Avoid being alone in the identical place on the similar time
In all honesty, being alone with your ex might current the chance for things to get somewhat too intimate – even if you happen to’re simply friends.
You would possibly discover yourselves reminiscing about outdated occasions or, worse, find yourself making out.
To keep away from any potential awkwardness or discomfort, it’s finest to attempt to keep away from being alone in the identical place on the similar time.
If you’ll be able to’t assist however be in the identical place on the similar time – like at a mutual pal’s celebration – simply remember to maintain your distance and keep away from being in any conditions that would result in an intimate second.
It can be a waste to smash your friendship since you couldn’t maintain things platonic.
14) Avoid pointless contact with the opposite
Unless you’ve reached finest pal standing with your ex, contacting your ex day-after-day – and even each different day – is pointless.
You see, if you contact your ex even for essentially the most mundane things, you run the chance of blurring the boundaries of your friendship.
It would possibly even make them assume you wish to get again collectively – which might be not what you need.
So except it’s an emergency, attempt to restrict your contact with your ex. Once per week or as soon as each different week ought to suffice. This offers you each the time and space you might want to dwell your individual lives.
15) No asking for favours except it’s actually essential
Favours are as a rule requested from people who find themselves near you.
This is as a result of we all know they received’t say no they usually’ll probably exit of their strategy to do the favour for you.
But in relation to exes, it’s best to strive to not ask them for favours – except it’s one thing actually essential or it’s one thing that solely your ex can do.
First off, it would make them really feel used if you happen to’re continually asking them for favours. Secondly, it might create a sense of obligation – which is the very last thing you need in a friendship.
Keeping things casual with none strings hooked up is one of the simplest ways for each of you. It will solely make your friendship stronger afterward.
16) Best to all the time hand around in a bunch
Whether or not you’ve gotten mutual friends hanging out in a bunch setting fairly than one-on-one is one of the simplest ways to go.
If you haven’t discovered your footing in your friendship but, it may be somewhat too awkward to hang around one-on-one.
Fact is, in a bunch setting, there’s much less stress on each of you to make dialog. You can even keep away from any potential awkwardness by having different folks round.
At the top of the day, there’s security in numbers.
17) Store or throw out belongings of your ex
When you break up with somebody, most certainly you’ll have a few of their belongings.
It may very well be a shirt they left at your house or a espresso mug they purchased you.
Whatever the case could also be, it’s finest to do away with these things – or no less than retailer them away someplace.
Seeing these things round will solely remind you of your previous relationship. And that’s most likely not one thing you need.
Plus, you’d wish to make room for the brand new things in your future relationships.
It’s finest to begin contemporary and transfer on from the previous. After all, you’re simply friends now.
18) Resist the temptation of touching and flirting
Being friends with your ex doesn’t imply you’ll be able to flirt or get frisky with one another.
For starters, it would ship the unsuitable message.
Your ex would possibly assume you wish to get again collectively when all you actually need is to be friends.
You have to be questioning, “What’s the big deal with a little harmless flirting?” Well, for one, it might probably result in one thing extra.
It would possibly begin off as harmless enjoyable however earlier than it, things might get out of hand fairly rapidly.
What’s extra, it might make things actually awkward between the each of you – particularly if one celebration begins to develop emotions once more.
19) Talk about your new relationships on the proper time
It might take somewhat or numerous time to build a friendship with your ex.
But as soon as you are feeling you’ve reached a degree of consolation the place you’ll be able to discuss something, it’s best to be happy to speak about your new relationships.
Doing so will present that you just’re over your previous relationship and that you just’re shifting on with your life.
What’s extra, it’ll additionally assist take away any awkwardness between the each of you.
This may very well be the closure you might want to lastly transfer on out of your previous relationship.
After all, you’re friends now. What’s essential is that you just’re each joyful.
20) Never question your resolution of being friends with your ex
Being friends with your ex is a call you’ve made. It wasn’t one thing that was compelled upon you.
What’s essential is that you just’re snug with the friendship and that you just genuinely care about one another. Wishing them nothing however the most effective in life is all that issues at this level.
If you discover that you just’re struggling to be friends with your ex, it’s okay to take a step again and reassess the scenario.
And that’s completely advantageous. You can all the time strive once more sooner or later.
The secret to creating your ex-friendship work – some ideas
With this listing of boundaries, being friends with your ex is unquestionably attainable. Here are some tricks to make your friendship work:
Approach with good intentions
You ought to solely be friends with your ex if you happen to genuinely care about them and wish to see them joyful. Having a hidden agenda will solely make things difficult and troublesome.
Communicate brazenly and truthfully
If there are specific subjects that make you are feeling uncomfortable, remember to talk that with your ex-friend. The similar goes for them. If there are boundaries they want to set, remember to pay attention and respect their needs.
Be affected person
It takes time to develop any form of relationship – even friendships. So don’t count on things to occur in a single day. Give it a while, and finally, you’ll get there.
Let go of the previous
Don’t deliver up outdated arguments or fights. Leave the previous previously and concentrate on the current. Doing this may help make things rather a lot simpler and easier.
Respect begets respect
Any relationship – whether or not it’s romantic, platonic, or familial – requires respect. It begins there and it ends there. If you need your ex-friendship to work, remember to present them the identical respect you’d every other pal.
Friendships are purported to be enjoyable. So don’t take things too significantly. Have time, and luxuriate in one another’s company. After all, that’s what friends are for.
How have you learnt when to finish an ex-friendship?
There isn’t actually a particular answer to this. You’ll simply know when the time is true.
It may very well be since you’re not getting alongside, or it may very well be as a result of considered one of you has moved on and is able to begin a brand new chapter of their life.
Here’s the factor: ending an ex-friendship doesn’t must be a foul factor.
It might merely imply that you just’re each shifting on with your lives – and that’s okay.
What’s essential is that you just gave it a shot. And who is aware of? Maybe in the future you’ll be friends once more.
Conclusion – Is it okay to be friends with your ex?
The thought of friendship with your ex could seem daunting at first. But it’s positively attainable to make it work – so long as you’re each on the identical web page.
Of course, there can be personal boundaries that must be set. But so long as you talk brazenly and truthfully with one another, you’ll be simply advantageous.
At the top of the day, there’s nothing to lose by being friends with your ex. So why not give it a strive? You may be shocked at how properly things end up.
If it doesn’t work out, then no less than you gave it your finest shot. And that’s all anybody can ask for.
After all, crucial factor is that your coronary heart was genuinely in it for the proper causes.
And that’s what actually issues.