13 Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex (And How To Stop)
Some exes are simply exhausting to overlook.
If you have that one ex who retains popping in your head and visiting your desires even when it’s been ages since you’ve damaged up, you would possibly take it as an indication that they’re the one for you.
While that’s doable, it’s extremely unlikely you’re haunted by them for different reasons.
In this text, I’ll give you 13 psychology-backed reasons why you can’t stop thinking about your ex and what you can do about it.
1) Young love is oftentimes sweeter
When we’re youthful, every thing is simply extra magical.
We’re harmless and worry-free. Well, not solely. We nonetheless cared about our homework and what to put on to the promenade. But we had no payments to pay, career ladders to climb, status to uphold, and well being points to fear about.
Because of this, we have been in a position to actually get pleasure from love and relationships, regardless of the shortage of resources and strict supervision of our mother and father. In truth, they’re additionally sweeter due to it. We borrowed a number of {dollars} from our associates simply to have burgers and milkshakes with our beloved.
We saved up a month’s allowance simply to give them a present.
Adult love is, after all, nonetheless great, however it simply doesn’t have that child-like innocence anymore. Maybe you miss your ex as a result of you lengthy for the nice ole days and the pureness of your love.
2) Nostalgia makes us bear in mind the great things
Do you discover that when somebody dies, you can’t assist however bear in mind good issues about them even when you thought that they have been unbearable once they have been nonetheless round?
That’s as a result of the thoughts is aware of how to cope by primarily remembering the nice issues.
Your ex was certainly terrible in some methods—it’s in all probability the explanation you broke up—however now that you’re not butting heads on a regular basis, you preserve recalling all your good instances collectively.
Even issues that when drove you up the wall would possibly turn out to be endearing, given time!
3) Your meeting was magical
We pay significance to tales, particularly when it comes to love.
Maybe you met whereas you have been backpacking within the Himalayas and had a magical second the place one in all you saved the opposite, and that made a powerful impression on you. To your thoughts, this makes them extra particular than they are surely.
If your greatest buddy met the love of their life on Tinder, your magical relationship would additionally thrive proper?
Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Just as a result of folks met in seemingly mundane conditions doesn’t imply they will’t discover magic in one another. Likewise, simply because your first meeting was cute and magical doesn’t assure that you’ll last more than three months.
A grand, magical first meeting would nonetheless make a powerful impression. You would pine for that magical second, and would possibly even end up unable to bear the considered discovering love in ‘ordinary’ methods.
4) They’re your first in lots of issues
They say “first love never dies” and whereas it’s fairly tacky, there’s some fact to it.
Your ex was in all probability the one who launched you to many issues—they could possibly be your first kiss, first dance, first cuddles with the other intercourse.
They might have additionally launched you to many thrilling issues like mountaineering, faucet dancing, and different issues that you can’t overlook. And each time you do this stuff, you simply can’t assist however be reminded of them.
When you go mountaineering, you would possibly bear in mind the primary time you scaled a mountain collectively. When you kiss another person for the primary time, you would possibly end up thinking of the best way your ex kissed you.
5) You invested quite a bit in them
One doable cause that an ex is difficult to overlook is that we invested quite a bit in them.
We’re not speaking about money, though that’s doable too. We’re speaking about different issues like placing in loads of effort in constructing a relationship, imagining a future collectively, touring to the opposite aspect of the world simply to be with them.
And as The Little Prince mentioned, “It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important…You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed.”
Your ex in all probability grew to become extra precious to you as a result of you sacrificed for them and the connection greater than with anybody you’ve ever been with.
6) Your story feels unfinished
It’s more durable to overlook somebody when the explanation for your break-up is lame or isn’t so clear.
They’d ask you “But why did you break up? You’re both still in love!”
And you rack your brain out thinking of a cause however can’t discover something that’s cheap—no dishonest, no large fights. It in all probability simply pale.
Our brains are used to clear endings and clear beginnings. When one thing feels “unfinished” in our heads, we regularly consider it as a really lengthy story that can have a contented ending sometime—just about just like the Before Sunset trilogy.
Even if you’re in a loving relationship, and even when you aren’t even so in love with your ex, your thoughts will inform you that it’s a narrative that ought to proceed.
7) You need present them how a lot you’ve modified
Let’s say you broke up as a result of your ex thinks you’re irresponsible and you consistently jumped from one job to one other.
It was such an enormous blow to your ego that you modified who you are simply to show to them that you’re not that dangerous—no, that you’re really superior.
Even if in actuality you actually aren’t in love with this ex anymore, your thoughts methods you into thinking that you are. But what you actually need is validation that you’re an okay particular person.
You is likely to be attempting to please them as a result of that’s the sort of love that’s acquainted to you as a result of your mother and father additionally handled you like trash.
The second they acknowledge that you’re superior, this eager for your ex would possibly go away for good.
8) You’re sad with your present relationship
If you’re in a relationship proper now and you’re sad, it’s solely pure that you preserve thinking about your ex. You would possibly even dream of your ex usually too.
You would possibly find yourself thinking about how your ex was extra attentive, or how they have been a lot better in mattress.
Don’t take this as an indication that your ex is the one for you, take it as an indication that it’s time you (*13*).
What do you bear in mind most about your ex? What traits did they’ve that you want your present SO has? Take the time to actually replicate. Use your ex as a information, not as a literal answer to your unhappiness.
Because likelihood is, if you have been to get again along with your ex, you’re doubtless to break up once more.
9) You just like the model of you when you’re collectively
As talked about earlier, you have been in all probability younger and carefree when you have been nonetheless collectively.
Maybe you have been additionally extra inventive, extra humorous, extra fascinating, and extra loving.
You might need sooner or later thought that you have been that method as a result of you have been along with your ex.
But whereas it’s doable that your ex was the one who inspired you to turn out to be the particular person you as soon as have been, it’s almost definitely that you are all this stuff all alongside.
You can all the time give it some thought and turn out to be that particular person once more with out them if you tried. What issues is that you strive.
10) They’re now dwelling the life you each used to dream of
When you’re nonetheless collectively, you each had this grand dream of changing into rock stars who journey the world.
When you broke up, you forgot all about it and centered on sensible issues as a substitute—getting good grades, touchdown in a superb company, shopping for a home with a white fence. Life was okay.
Well then, sooner or later you discover out that your ex is now a signed artist and is certainly having live shows all around the world. You’re actually completely satisfied for them however part of you would remorse that you ended issues.
While it might really feel that you nonetheless have emotions for your ex, that isn’t doubtless. You simply see clearly how the chances of your life department out and you can’t assist however really feel a pang of remorse for not taking the trail of the artist’s life. You see? This isn’t actually about your ex however about you and your life decisions.
11) They pushed you to turn out to be higher
Your ex was somewhat annoying. They all the time suppose you’d prove to be somebody nice—that you’ll not solely be a superb author, however you’ll be the subsequent Victor Hugo.
Your ex in all probability thought the solar shines out of your ass, and nobody has made you really feel this manner.
They’re in all probability powerful on you however it’s the type that makes you really feel taken care of. They push you to pursue your desires relentlessly.
Now that you are precisely how they imagined you to be, you can’t stop thinking about them. It’s not as a result of you really feel pity in direction of them, it’s in all probability as a result of you’d do something simply to thank them for having seen the potential in you.
12) You’ve turned them right into a purpose
When you broke up, you promised them that you’ll be higher and that sooner or later you’ll be collectively once more!
This sort of dedication has made you do many not possible issues—you began a business that grew to become profitable, you labored on your weight, you’re now somebody everybody desires to date.
You’re now on the prime of the world, trying down on all of the steps you’ve taken on your method up. And you can’t assist however consider your ex for each second of it.
And that’s as a result of you’ve made your ex your purpose. You’re doing all this not for your self, however to deliver them again to your aspect.
This is, sadly, fairly damaging. Suppose your ex doesn’t come again, or that they obtained hitched with another person. What then?
You would possibly simply find yourself shedding the need to preserve going when you understand that it has all been in useless. You had turn out to be so fixated on the image of a perfect life you had in your thoughts that when issues don’t go as deliberate you get mad and damage.
You’ve satisfied your self that they’re the one factor lacking in your life.
13) You’re satisfied that they’re irreplaceable
When we’re younger, we consider that it’s straightforward to discover a connection. But as we get older, we understand that real connections are exhausting to discover and build.
Maybe you had a extremely sturdy connection to your ex and you’ve satisfied your self that they’re irreplaceable.
Sure, different folks would possibly make you completely satisfied too, however you’re so fixated on what your ex did that nothing they do will ever examine.
So you carry on thinking about them, wishing that they have been at your aspect.
The kicker is that your ex almost definitely isn’t even nearly as good as you had come to think about them to be. It’s like you’re enjoying a recreation of phone with your self. With each retelling, the story adjustments somewhat, and small issues turn out to be somewhat grander. Eventually you find yourself with a badly distorted fantasy.
In the identical vein, it’s necessary to take into account that your ex in all probability isn’t as irreplaceable as you suppose they’re.
WHY YOU SHOULD STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX
You have to remind your self that they’re not the identical particular person anymore, and neither are you.
What you had was positively particular, however it ended for a cause—and it’s supposed to keep in your previous.
Trying to reconnect with your ex with the delusion that they’re nonetheless the identical particular person as earlier than is silly. It’s additionally dangerous. Sure they would be the identical in some features, however they positively have a distinct life with totally different units of issues.
While it’s alright to give it one other attempt to discover out for your self, I strongly don’t advocate you pursuing your ex if you’re at present in a stable and loving relationship, if you’re merely going by a life disaster, or if you know that they’re proud of their life.
Just think about the truth that you eager for your ex may not really be as a result of you nonetheless need them again in your life. Is it definitely worth the danger? It’s clearly up to you. But there’s an opportunity you’ll get your self in a lot deeper bother, ruining the nice issues that you have already got.
HOW YOU CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX
If you’ve determined that you don’t need to go down the trail of pursuing your ex once more, then you’ve already executed half of the work. It’s the confusion that retains us from actually shifting on and accepting our life sans our ex.
Here are the steps you want to do to stop thinking about them:
1) Stop feeding the beast
If you are devoted to your self moderately than to your ex, unsubscribe to them.
Cut off communication, stop viewing their tales, and for crying out loud watching their Tiktok movies!
Quit them like you stop cigarettes or any dangerous behavior. The first three days might be exhausting however it would get simpler and simpler every day.
And if you slip on some days as a result of they contacted you first or somebody you know posted their photograph, don’t really feel discouraged. Keep at it. One day, they received’t even enter your thoughts anymore. Or in the event that they do, you received’t ever consider them romantically.
2) Look for a love that doesn’t really feel like you’re settling
If you’re in love with somebody who could make you really feel like 1,000,000 bucks, you in all probability received’t have the ability to consider your ex.
Go search for that sort of love. Don’t keep in a relationship as a result of you’ve invested quite a bit in it, or as a result of it’s the mature factor to do. Stay as a result of you really feel that is the sort of love and relationship you need to have for the remainder of your life.
Otherwise, you’d be haunted by your ex till you’re outdated and wrinkly. Don’t enable that to occur to you.
3) Focus on your life and your relationship
Try to be current in your life whereas it’s taking place as a substitute of imagining the long run or getting nostalgic of the previous.
What you have now’s all you’ve obtained. Focus on what now has to provide. If you’re in a relationship, be actually in it. If you’re nonetheless struggling on the backside of the career ladder, then work exhausting.
And if you’re unhappy with how your life turned out, put all your vitality into making it higher as a substitute of fixating on your ex.
Think about this: each minute you spend thinking about your ex is taking you away from the time you must be spending making your relationship and your life higher.
4) Remind your self of why your relationship didn’t work
They might need been nice, however you shouldn’t lose sight of their flaws as nicely.
Maybe they have been the sweetest, however they have been flaky and kept blowing hot and cold. Or perhaps they’re sensible, however in addition they thought they may get away with dishonest on you.
Every time you end up thinking of how good they have been, remind your self of their flaws. Get a pocket book and write them down if wanted.
Trust me—they DO have flaws. Real ones, like their cruelty or inability to accept blame… and never simply the lovable ‘flaws’ like them having a messy bedhead each time they get up within the morning.
They’re nonetheless human, regardless of every thing.
5) Cultivate a extra carefree way of life
If you found out that the explanation you miss your ex was as a result of you primarily miss being younger and free, then it’s time you make some way of life adjustments.
Think of the issues which might be regularly inflicting you nice misery. It might even be your present associate, too. Then it’s time you make some adjustments within the relationship or actually have a brief break so you can introspect.
If you suppose you’re too burdened due to a job you hate, then it’s time to begin updating your LinkedIn profile.
In different phrases, as a substitute of truly pursuing your ex, pursue the sensation you had when you’re collectively and apply it to your life proper now.
6) Dream large desires once more
Make your life so thrilling once more that you overlook or stop fixating about the issues prior to now.
Go make that film, write that novel, begin that business. Try to be nice and do nice issues!
That method, your ex can have little or no space in your thoughts. In truth, it could possibly be the explanation you’re thinking about them extra usually—you simply miss the sensation that life was as soon as an enormous journey.
Your life has simply began. Don’t look again as a result of it’s ineffective to waste your time on a love story that wasn’t meant to be. Instead, live a full life and go after the life you’ve all the time needed.
One day sooner or later, you’d look again at this second and say, “I almost went back to my ex but they really weren’t what I was looking for.”
Use this time to work on your self and your ex would turn out to be much less and fewer important to you as time goes by.
LAST WORDS
Just as a result of you can’t stop thinking about your ex doesn’t essentially imply that there’s one thing particular about them.
What’s usually the case is that there’s one thing you’re lacking in your present scenario, and you’re utilizing the reminiscence of your ex to “remember” higher instances.
By idealizing your ex like so, nonetheless, you find yourself blinding your self by focusing a lot on what you don’t have. You additionally find yourself overlooking the nice issues that you do have.
Getting over your ex may not be straightforward, however by knocking your ex down a peg and thinking of them as simply one other human being, you’re serving to your self alongside.
