“Honey, I made a bad mistake; I’m very sorry.”
How many times has a cheater accompanied these words with tears?
They are bull*t. Here’s why.
10 Reasons why cheating is a choice, not a mistake
Cheating is a choice.
Sleeping with someone is still a decision, no matter how much food someone gets, how drunk they are, or how bad their relationship is.
Overall, a terrible decision, but not as wrong as stubbing your toenail in the door or burning your breakfast. This is why this distinction is so important.
1. Cheating is selfish and cruel
There are hundreds of reasons to cheat, from an unhappy relationship to simply being bored. But cheating is always selfish and cruel.
When a relationship is no longer lifeless, it’s time to end it, no matter how hard it is. Cheating is a way to avoid the pain of a breakup while still enjoying the pleasure and connection of a new partner.
He wants to have your cake and eat it too. The bottom line is that it’s just cruel and selfish. It’s a wrong choice.
– Cheating is not something you do by accident because you can’t control yourself.
“Every action you take is approved by your brain, which means that by enjoying your moment of happiness, you have decided to make another person feel miserable.”
Cruel but true.
Here’s the thing: there can be many reasons why someone cheats and many biochemical and psychological factors that go into it.
But it’s still a decision, just like stealing or yelling at someone is a decision.
2. Cheating is cowardice
Cheating in the heart is cowardice. One of the main reasons why cheating is a choice isn’t a mistake; it’s often done instead of breaking up.
Wanting to end the relationship, the co-worker decides to cheat instead. They think they can delay the separation in the end, or maybe their loved ones will get the news and leave them first.
This is a cowardly move because it avoids confrontation and instead goes after your partner. It’s not just dishonest; it’s just weak.
The choice to cheat is to avoid conflict – at least for now – but the price is always a massive loss of self-esteem.
If you want to break up with someone, no matter how hard it is, eventually, you have to go for it.
Trying to worm your way out of it by deceiving or distracting yourself with other adventures and partners won’t make the pain disappear and will only worsen the frustration and conflict.
3. Cheating devastates your partner
You know how much it hurts if you’ve been cheated on or cheated on (or both). There is no other emotion like this. I mean that in the wrong way.
This may overlap if you’re struggling with the pain of being cheated on or the guilt of knowing you’ve made a terrible decision.
The truth is that cheating leaves the victim devastated, worthless, and abandoned. When dealing with a cheating partner, it’s easy to feel frustrated and even helpless. You can even throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something else.
It’s something I learned from world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we are culturally conditioned to believe.
Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video that we chase love in a very toxic way because we are not taught how to love ourselves before.
So, if you want to address toxic patterns of infidelity and constant cheating in your love life, I recommend starting with yourself first and taking Ruda’s excellent advice.
4. Cheaters think they can be forgiven
Another reason for cheating is choice. This choice is indeed based on a specific calculation. No matter how messy the tricky situation is or encouraging the moment, there is almost always a concrete assumption underneath.
There is an assumption that cheating will be forgiven. Scammer thinks he can get out of jail free and get a bust or two. This kind of arbitrariness is just downright revolting. You don’t need to buy it.
They try not to get caught, of course. But saying it’s wrong is a way of asking for forgiveness. No matter how sincere, pretending you made a mistake and didn’t make a choice is an arrogant way of asking for forgiveness.
5. Scammers know what they are doing
are common reasons cheaters give for why they cheated, and it was neither their fault nor their choice.
The most popular are:
- I was so drunk that I didn’t know what I was doing
- The other person sidetracked me, and unprepared for the sudden rush of attraction
- I tried to suppress my problems in the arms of a stranger
- I was so tense, and it just happened!
- I thought we were just friends, but it turned out that they had romantic or sexual feelings for me! I never expected that.
Yes, of course…
Let’s give cheaters some basic respect here:
Scammers know what they are doing.
And while the extreme intoxication makes them forget what they’ve done, it still begs the question of why they drink so much and let themselves go.
How often has a cheater fallen victim to a strongly resisted innocent temptation? Maybe sometimes. But there’s a word for forcing someone to have sex: rape.
So if the cheater isn’t being harassed, they’ve somehow participated in that interaction and decided to let it happen. I’m not saying there are never any shades of gray. But usually, they are not as flattering as the cheater would like to believe.
6. Cheating usually happens in stages, not all at once
The truth about cheating is that it usually happens in stages. And the first stage is being open to the idea, thinking about it, and then thinking about how you can do it and how to get rid of it.
After the actual flirting, kissing, and sex, it’s usually the last piece of the puzzle, not the cause in the first place.
For this reason, cheating is almost always an option. It is not just something that people trip over as they fall into a trap.
It’s more like a trail they choose to walk down one day with warning signs along the way they want to ignore. And then they follow this path to the end, get caught, and want to say it was a bad mistake?
Ignored the warning signs that caused that “error.” That’s for sure…
7. Cheating is not just about sex
Another reason why infidelity is a choice is that it’s so much more than sex, not a mistake. Even cheating, a shoe tattoo between two people, involves a conscious betrayal.
On the flip side, two people cheat emotionally even though they have never had sex. Think of it this way:
How is cheating if someone communicates with another person in a way they do not want their spouse to know?
There’s plenty of room for close friendships outside relationships and marriage, but there’s no real excuse to keep it a secret.
Cheating isn’t just about sex; it’s also about emotional betrayal. And that is a wrong decision to make.
8. Cheaters often cheat again
Cheaters tend to cheat again. This is part of what makes “wrongful” acquittal so tricky.
Why do they keep doing it if it’s a random and horrible mistake?
The truth is that a fraudster can be a natural person in other circumstances. Their excuses for cheating are usually…
Whether they swear they’ll never make the same mistake again or pretend that cheating doesn’t make sense, they still have a nasty habit of doing it and falling for those they’ve cheated on.
Because the cheater is often a repeat offender.
– As I want to call them, the deceived also decide to make an excuse and call it a mistake. They either say, “I won’t do it again,” or “You’re the only girl/boy I’ve ever loved.” But deep down, they know it’s a lie.
“It’s not a mistake; it’s a choice.”
9. Scammers thrive in gaslighting and throwing away the guilt of sin
The thing about cheaters is that they make a choice and then try to walk it back or make excuses when they get caught. Rarely will the cheater admit what happened on his own? But in most cases, it is a matter of catching up.
Cheaters thrive on blaming you for their actions or sin, saying it’s a one-time mistake or a symptom of broader problems in your relationship.
Always remember that it’s not just a mistake; it’s a choice. But don’t forget that you don’t have to give up your relationship because of infidelity.
If you feel like there’s still hope (and love), you can choose to give it another go. The problem is:
Relationships can be so confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you hit a wall and don’t know what to do next.
Getting a little outside help here can save your love life. I know I was always skeptical of outside help until I tried it.
10. Scammers turned off, knowing it was wrong
One of the common issues with cheating is that it’s wrong because it turns some people into doing so much.
Like anything taboo, the shame and secrecy of cheating often make people turn to it for so many.
Knowing that you might get caught and that you shouldn’t be doing what you’re supposed to do can be a thrill for those who have lost their moral compass or can’t control their dark impulses.
A cheater who gives in to the urge to do something wrong for the thrill of it is making a choice, not a mistake. They allow this whispering voice to tell them that sleeping with a co-worker or friend will be so naughty and hot that they will betray their partner.
They make a choice and have no right to expect no consequences.
Cheating is 100% a choice
Cheating is 100% a choice.
The reason it’s important is that it allows you to see through the lies and tactics scammers use. If you’re cheating, I feel for you.